Rebuilding the Walls

Today I conjure up the emotions I’ve been suppressing that came as a result of sights I’ve been disturbed by over the past few years and days. I go over in my mind today’s state of affairs: internal, external, domestic and global. I watch how the world has been ravaged by greed, hate and the wickedness of man. I think to myself: how can I ever dream to be able to fix this?

I stare at the broken structure as Nehemiah did and I weep. I weep not only because of the clear picture of what my people and all people of the world will face because of the ruins I see. I weep not just because of the picture of desolation, deterioration—a languishing of life itself. I weep because all that has been placed within me, yet to be revealed in all its glory, finds no place in this world. No, not this world, this time, this place.

The trinkets buried deep beneath the surface, intricately laid down by Him—therein you will find his will, the hope, the love, the yearning, all inclined to rebuilding; yet all I see is tearing down. I tell myself, my journey has not yet begun but the world may prevent me from having a true opportunity to be. I cannot be, if I am not allowed to practice my being. My being, always contingent on what He is saying…but the world wants no part of Him.

The powerful forces that be don’t want Him, so I know they will ostracize me. I’m not their type, who they will seek after. I help others up, I level the field, my solutions are ground breaking, world embracing theirs palliative and debasing. I stare at the broken walls and the walls of my heart feel as if they are on their last. Once fortified, shock absorbing, now ready to crumble, ready to give in, no longer ready to be.

This opening to me speaks of the wantonness of mankind. Freedom has always been the goal, the means to some utopian end. This broken structure to me, a clear result of going beyond the limit without preparing for what lies ahead. Freedom they begged for and now they’ve received. The open space ready, they have their belongings and they scatter without security, without grounding, without a purpose.

Today, I asked my creator, if it’s just my own understanding that is blindly leading me to believe that there is no hope. I felt as if he smiled and whispered “no this is your place, this is your home, you cannot find love, peace and hope because I’ve placed it where it can be guarded, cherished, where it can be flourished and shared and why else did you think I put you there?

You are the hope, the love, the light, if you cannot find enough, it’s because you’re missing. Get up, and you build what’s been broken down—your life, your home, your country, the globe. You have been allowing the winds of chaos to toss you, discourage you but alas you have consulted me, you lost yourself in the world and the world is at loss because they do not have you. “

I stare at the broken walls and this time I find me. I see my destiny, all that he has made me to be.  Now I’m calling all builders to help me, help Him. He needs you now, you’ve been chosen and if you agree, you’re in.

He needs architects: those with eyes of faith and filled with creativity; visionaries who see beyond the emptiness and see abundance, those who can ensure the structure is fit and secure. He needs, masons: the strong, those who can toil, lift heavy burdens and set pillars in place.

What are your talents, what are your gifts? There’s a chance they were placed within you for such a time as this.

March 2015

On Eros and Lust

The Symposium by Socrates has always and will always be a source that I delve into as I thread the sometimes unfamiliar and raging sea of love. Plato, the expert that he was, clearly illustrates to us that although a beautiful feat, eros can also be a calamitous journey of the heart, the mind, the body.

He shows us the total peace and the superfluity of all else when at the peak. Simultaneously, he shows us the obsoleteness felt while in the “valleys of the shadow of death” and uncanny elements of this eros when you have found the piece of your soul that wandered without you and you yearned so much for.

Inevitably, a story of love is in essence a story of beauty and tragedy—a conglomeration of peaks of happiness and plummeting falls of excruciating pain. How can the two go together? How did eros become ambivalent? How is all this possible?

In reality, there is a distinction between love that is honourable and that which is dishonourable. Love should not be ambiguous but rather has clearly defined lines that speak of the consistency of the souls of the two people attached to each other.

If eros begins with love of virtue and love of the soul and the mind, attachment will prove to be beautiful, good—eros will initiate an everlasting bond without dark and deep valleys. Instead, the journey will prove to be undulating. The destination together is no longer the focus nor is who you will become; rather, who you are and would like to be with your soul mate.

If eros would begin first with mature unions, calamity will be avoided—estrangement, fear, emotional impairment will not flood your path. There is one true love, just as there is a true form of beauty and just as goodness is objective and can be easily distinguished from things unlike itself.

Young love desires to quench insatiable appetites. Young love. It is wandering, unattached and resembles lust. It goes after what appears desirable and when this is achieved seeks the next most opulent fleeting thing.

Love of the mind, of virtue, of goodness and all that is beautiful is mature love, lasting love, freeing love, respectful love, harmonious, florid and unconditional. This love can only BE when appetites are quieted compatibility is achieved and evil cut off.

How can you hold on to the beauty of mature eros with evil in your heart, darkness hidden away, the past buried and trust hanging on a foundation made of mire?

To gain this beauty— trust, hope, forgive, innocence, share light, expose, be wise, and exude the peace of God that should live within your heart. Eros dwells in the gentleness of a pure and contrite soul and can only find the like in the same and not the contrary.

Clean Hands and a Pure Heart - Both, Not one.

Someone asked a good question recently that stirred me to write almost instantly. He asked: is it better to trust in actions or to trust in words?

If I was asked whether I trusted actions or words more-- I would choose actions, however; there are some important conditions that must follow.

I believe that it is imperative that we understand that actions are not more important than words, but instead they can be better trusted to understand someone's intentions than words would. The stark difference between the two is that words are fleeting, can change in a moment, can be blotted away but this is not as easy with actions. Once you are committed to an action and you follow through it cannot be erased.

My purpose however, is not to illustrate the epistemological difference between the two-- instead; it is important that I explain that actions should be married to words. It's about the heart and the hands-- the hands that work and the heart that allows the mouth to speak freely without the involvement of the mind.

Show me then close with words. If school was about being literally shown everything without a "talking forum" we would have to assume too much. Internalize this. If an action is left to stand alone it can become something complex and confusing to someone who understands concepts from a reductionist perspective.

We must also realize that both actions and words force us to use our SENSES to interpret the world. However we also know that these very senses given to us to be put to good use is limited. We know it is limited because its abilities are contingent on another bodily function. eg. We cannot see unless light hits the retina in a specific way.

It is no surprise then that our senses have failed us before especially in communicating with others who themselves depend on these tools of perception and who also may have been socialized differently or may possess a different personality.

Fortunately, misunderstandings can be curbed if both go together (Actions and words), ofcourse placing more emphasis on the one that eliminates the most doubt, we can make the complexity of our perceptions simpler. We can extricate ourselves from the complexities that come with assumptions that lead to assumptions that lead to assumptions....

What's so Real about REALITY?

If reality is what we perceive it to be through our experiences with the world, then it’s subjective. If reality is subjective why do we call it re-al-ity? What’s so genuine about it? Is it because it seems less superficial or more logical than one we deem to have a “skewed view” of the world? Is it really?

 Is there some true essence that makes it real or is that truth that seems to evade from things that move us, the effects of something inside ourselves? Things like love, pain, joy, hurt…yet these too are totally contingent on a structure that we can trace back to ourselves. It spirals right back, slowly, brutishly, gracefully…it moves right back to you—the source of all re-al-ity.

We talk about it like it’s something objective—simply because what we perceive it to be sounds a lot like someone else’s claim? Then tell me... in re-al-ity…what really is this “love” thing? A word we use to characterize the euphoric feeling we claim we have found when we have seen true beauty, true long suffering, kindness and gentleness… or even the exact opposite at times. But what is beautiful and what is long suffering? It depends on social construction...and is determined by context.Looks like we are back at one; made a full circle and came to no conclusion-- except ofcourse that our ideas coem from somewhere...a place within us, a subject.

The truth is… the birds probably laugh at our ability to see—yet we act as though our eyes can take us to an alternate universe. The manatee or the catfish, who many think are the less intricate animal, probably snicker at the thought that our feelings are enough to help us act logically on impulse.

The truth is our reality is what’s good to us….period. My pain is not your pain, my love is not your love, my truth is not yours and neither is my reality. What does this even mean? What’s the point? Is there ever a point even to life itself? What’s ever the point?

Before threading the waters of existentialism, let me say: thread lightly—you never know who you’re crushing, it’s probably some form that keeps your world bright or it might turn out to be the reason you’re alive. Not just that, but walk humbly for your reality is but yours and your perception bears way too many flaws. Last of all, be grateful because what you have may be little but a little of a lot of greatness.

Dsyfunctionality- Thinking like "Women" Acting like "Men"...whatever that means...

The Black Death pt. 1

"The Sprint to the Light....and the Jog Back to Chains"

I hate the fact that people blame the “black feminist movement” for broken black marriages where black women are successful and powerful partners today. 

In my daily internet browsing session I came across a video called “Why successful black women can’t find black men” and I was urged to skim the responses posted under the video. Almost instantaneously, I was disgusted by the remarks, clear misunderstanding and altogether ignorance of the people who received gestures of agreement by other spectators. 

I am not in total disagreement with the belief that some black women have misunderstood what independence means-- Steve Harvey would say they are acting like men (when you scrutinize their social roles) and thinking like women (trapped in a 1960's black romance novel). Rather, maybe as time has evolved women too must evolve as words like independence are fluid— nothing in this world is static; even the word “change” is mutable.

Most notably, circumstances are culpable for molding character, something that is  inherently malleable. What am I saying? People must educate themselves, open their eyes and seek deeper reasons for legacies that persist in our societies.

I know of many successful black women who have found men and are married (some happy and some very unhappy). For the unhappy many, I have observed that some financially secure women who have partners that are not as stable grow weary as the stark imbalances and incompatibility (intellectually and financially) become more pronounced as time goes by living under the same roof.

This leads me to a greater question: why do successful black women settle? I am in no way implying that women are superior, but instead I am asserting that so far… the women I have come across in my very short journey who are in unhappy ,parasitic relationships have men who need to uplift themselves. Instead of looking to their successful female counterparts and shunning them because of their achievements, maybe they should shake off the idle spirit of stagnation and aim towards limitless progress.

I have been blessed to be in a family that has made tertiary education imperative and in no way a choice. As a result I stand among men in my family who are lawyers, engineers, professors at Ivy league schools, mechanics who know how to carry the burden of providing for a family, faithful doctors and businessmen married to equally successful black women. My point? Maybe we need to recognize how much circumstances are to blame for many societal issues.

Ultimately, marriage and long term relationships should be wholesome and equitable. This means that the two parties must be balanced in all aspects or near balance. Weigh it ladies and gentlemen or WAIT! 

In conclusion, maybe the imbalance in black relationships and the inability of black women who have achieved high acclaims and accolades to find men they are compatible with  is two fold. You see this problem is not the consequence of “the black feminist movement” or any feminist movement for that matter. Rather, it marks the stagnation of many of our people mentally.

Black men: “step your academic game.” Male marginalization theory my ass! Black women, open your eyes and try to understand our men. If we are to progress together, we need to work together and understand each other instead of assuming and judging each other based on flawed arguments.  I am tired of the antediluvian arguments that place all blame on feminism and the black woman. STOP….think… rethink… then act! 

Maybe your thinking process should start with this question: what is feminism?

I can start answering for you. Although there are many types, phases and or waves of feminism with divergent visions, all movements aim to achieve social justice for women— these groups have recognized the continued subordination of women and how we are unfairly treated and so they fight for legal provisions among other necessities to level the playing field. 

Leveling the playing field does not mean that we should totally forget or pretend that we are different-- the truth is we are all distinct. Therefore justice means that we must carefully analyse the picture and smoothen the creases...clear up the loopholes. Now… tell me… what is so wrong with feminism if you are not chauvinistic and sexist?

The Road to Free Doom

How far again would we go before our enchantment with the mechanics of humanity and the world lead us into nothingness? How much longer must we travel before everything that once held on to the bones that mark our history—the bane of our existence is annihilated?

How far is too far? Will “political corretness” the engine of human rights, propel us to a utopia where we all love and respect each other or will this take us ten steps back, far back…and as if we pressed the rewind button we travel past our not too distant brutal, barbaric and bloody history. Yes…we pass our capitalist—colonial—manifest destiny— era, before any  black, brown, yellow…subordinated wo(man) could brazenly utter a word on “rights.”

Yes….political correctness—a term more poignant than someone smeared with feces; putrid yet stimulating to all those who fight for those once marginalized. They say “stand not for something and fall for anything” but what happens when you stand for everything do you not fall too because of the contradictions that you will face in joining things that seem all too similar to be disconnected when observed through a myopic lens?

Is my argument nothing but a slippery slope? To me there’s no slope it’s just slippery. Slippery because it marks how fleeting academia has become, how subjective, how unquestioning and accepting. Like a sociopath, or the black widow lures her prey who flies too close to her intricately designed snare. We continue to fly too high to the spider’s web in our aim to utopia we call social inclusion.

Humanity is still in that dark cave where there is very little light—the enslaved cavemen have only heard from those enlightened that there is an illuminating light outside, the tale they are told that what they see is not all that exists, but something greater lies outside. And as if they are having a lucid dream, these cavemen believe that the illusions that their deceitful eyes tell them is reality, fact, truth but instead they are nothing but skewed impressions of faulty perception on the cave’s walls.

And they continue to travel. Past the Magna Carta, the Declaration of a corrupt independence, past any constitution that spoke of inalienable rights that made all men equal. Past the establishment of Trinidadian Government when “discipline, tolerance and production” became something like the Indo-Afro Trinidadian mantra. How ironic! These words were meant to solidify independence from a colonial past, yet they speak of continued enslavement.

The “good” indentured labourer and slave was disciplined and the iron fist kept him moral. This labourer needed to be subordinate and do what was said by his master in order to be productive, productive for a common good that in retrospect seems like…the greater good (the good of the master that is). The only difference now was the attempt to penetrate racial lines that was necessary to rape the minds of these “ex slaves.”

Like a virgin who was about to consummate her marriage they forced in the word tolerance in the midst of these two functions and factors of slavery to make these two distinct groups shake hands, meet, function as a unit…again for their benefit. Tolerance and political correctness are one in the same. Tolerance: the act to allow deviation from a standard, to become less responsive. Tolerance is preached daily to mean something noble, something necessary, but taken for what it is, it can only lead to the “ dummifying” and death of the person.

The most tolerant societies today still have a citizenry who proudly wave their anti semitic and anti black flags in the front of their residences while greeting you with a smile be you black man or Jew. The truth is, no matter how socially active a sect of the population or how much this doctrine of tolerance is preached there is still hate in the hearts of man. Hate for different, hate for extraordinary hate for the “other”, hate for “them” and tolerance will never produce love.

The abyss is near and soon this subtly fascist world will crumble with all its corrupt ideologies that bear the so called “superstructure.” However, before this happens, human rights will not take the enslaved cave man to a place of freedom. The process has indeed been an incremental one but soon the stage will come when our eyes must be closed, our mouths shut up and like soldiers in a medieval army our hands stiffly to our sides and because our senses will have no use anymore we will all fall into a pit that was prepared for us. You see, before the physical came the mental “dummifying” so at the end there really would be no hope for mankind.

What then dare I say is right and wrong? Is truth objective or should the enlightened shape a world where the common good is truly the purpose of all life and are they then to determine the rights that should govern and establish society? Even Plato, the great philosopher that he was, recognized how complex and intricate answering this question was and though he believed in objectivity of truth and beauty there was some subjectivity in his utopian society.

I am no advocate of fascism or horrible acts like genocide and eugenicide but I do believe that we are taking many steps backward believing that anything goes without carefully dissecting all popular opinion and beliefs. The truth is just as we are not all the same, we are not all different and no matter how close our histories, they are all distinct. Forcing the connection between all groups and sects should not be our goal because in doing so our fall is inevitable because of the ample contradictions we will encounter in that quest.

Isn’t it futile for an enslaved man who only knows candlelight as his source to build his life around the beliefs of his enslaved brother whose reality is just as dark and limited as his own? There is no easy solution to transforming hateful hearts to loving ones just as it is hard for a busy New Yorker to find balance in the hustle and bustle of city life.

However, the way to a better place for all of humanity is that we interrogate all thoughts, beliefs, notions before we accept it. Interrogate by reading, writing and opening one’s mind to the opposing view and above all “mind your own business.” Plato never meant that we must be narcissistic and selfish, but instead he reminds us of the power of looking within for the answers. Furthermore, in doing so, doing yourself some good means indirectly doing all humanity some good. He may not have been an advocate for questioning in his mentally enslaving Republic but I do believe that the journey towards finding “self” and understanding one’s place in the midst of this beautiful mosaic we live each day will lead to love and happiness for one and all.

Speak your truth and I’ll interrogate your truth in love.

Remember when we were the victims?

Where do you draw the line between “slactivism” and “activism”? Who determines what is right and wrong? If the problems within African countries are not ours are we to hold our heads and bawl with the feelings of hopelessness consuming us and… unrelenting disdain for those who we believe are higher powers—the ones greater than us the ones who stand on the hill and look down, as we look up, who we think control the world and the future?

Do we focus on ourselves because charity begins at home and ends abroad? Where did we get this picture from? What about the whole “white man’s burden” theory and how are we to feel about the possibility, as “othered” persons, that this might be the hidden agenda behind all of this? What if something a lot murkier haunts this matter or lurks behind the echoes of voices screaming for justice?

Yes, I believe that colonialism has not ended and rather than living in post-colonial societies, for many, we now live in neo colonial nation states that have strong ties to more than one oppressor. I do believe that capitalism is culpable for many ills we see and face daily but I do not believe that socialism is the simple solution. I do believe in the “white man’s burden” and I also believe that the opposite is true. I do believe also that pity can harm but pity can heal.

I do believe that we must be careful of becoming “bandwagonists”—drifting in the wind with every fleeting thing that comes. I do believe that if you stand for nothing you can fall for anything as the cliché says. But I also believe that being bombarded by thought, literature, professors and students, classrooms and activist groups, Jehovah’s witnesses and the news, the media and sensationalists, that we may stand for many things and fall for them too. I do believe in the power of thought to drive but I too believe in the subjectivity and fallacious nature of the senses.

In our world today where nothing is private—our lives are involuntarily and voluntarily posted to a site and our thoughts can be constantly updated for many to see, be it for the viewing pleasure of someone 10 miles away or 100,000, we realize more and more that the lines that at some time (or maybe never) outlined a boundary that determines foreign from local, me from you and us from them is now more blurred and vague than ever before.

We all hear of globalization and combined with the goals and efforts of transnational corporations, media giants, international law and government, terrorism and NATO missions worldwide we know that globalization is alive and kicking and has its pros and cons. However, alongside this we also see strict immigration policies limiting movement among countries; we see how the “winners” try to secure their piece of the “pie” or the entire thing.

What does this mean for all of us? What does this mean if we desire to put our hand with another—reach for another to help him or her up? The truth is, only you can truly know and understand your duty and purpose and I hope that by the end of this piece you are motivated to find this.

My most significant belief is that we can find the solutions to many of our problems by searching inside ourselves. This mantra in itself is my answer when questioned about the rightness or wrongness of something like “the white man’s burden” or MAN’s burden.

Man’s burden today after seeing countless sorrow filled United Way commercials and a proliferation of online videos showcasing the atrocities done to peoples globally all compel us to help if we can. Some say that we must bear our own burden before another; however, it is time that we see that the burden of one 100,000 miles away is our burden just as much as someone ten miles away—this is not the “white man’s burden” this is man’s burden. This understanding is the beginnings of humanism.

It is time that we recognize the importance of letting go of selfishness and individualism and truly realizing the power that we can find in joining for a good cause. Why can’t we do both? We can simply show our hate for the crimes men like Joseph Kony and other rebels continue to commit daily while helping our neighbours. Uganda is our neighbour just as Southern Trinidad is—do not fall into the trap called “sensitization”.

Why must we criticise those who are doing what they can to impede the unjust from continuing on their evil path? We must do our part and our responsibility as huMANs is doing what little we can with what we have to influence positive change. Be it posting flyers to “make Kony famous,” influencing policy makers to focus on a matter that has been marginalized in your own hometowns or illustrating to all within your local community and your global community the work that we all need to join hands to help with.

We are not as selfish as we think—do not let this attitude consume you. We are not a separate entity—we all share this earth. We may be sovereign nations but we cannot survive on our own—we are not self -sufficient. The problem is a global one—do we target the smaller picture, should we see the problems through a microcosmic lens and forget the bigger picture or should we view the entire portrait? Understanding the intricacies of this matter from the ground is just as important as viewing it holistically…and this is what we must not forget.

The root of the problems we face is not different but it may manifest itself differently across borders. The more we see world issues as our very own no matter how far apart our homes are….the more we will recognize the importance of working together to do our part. Let us put away paranoia, selfishness and skepticism and replace them with faithfulness, love and willingness to reach out for one with hopes of teaching one.

Is our heart’s desire to maintain a world system where it is ok to feed our middle classed homes while the neighbour just across the street is going two days without food or do we envision a world where there is no hunger and food security for all? This may seem utopian but this is not impossible.

I believe that some of the most virtuous values come as reactions that are the consequences of suffering. Maybe if we remember the values we were taught growing up from the ones who were directly oppressed and had no freedom and little will our world would be a happier place.

Speak YOUR truth and understand MY truth in love.

Connecting Girls, Inspiring Futures

“A movement by ourselves but a force when we’re together”

As our mission today focuses on utilizing social networking tools and the liberty given to us to speak out against the ills we face daily with hopes of connecting girls and inspiring futures, we ensure that our ultimate vision is kept alive.

We must recognize that as the theme inherently states, by bridging gaps we inspire each other and in doing so we propel the movement toward a better future for women; in doing this we recognize that the quality of life, consciousness and drive of women all over the world are the determining factors in the shape the future will take.

Furthermore, I implore you to take note that the word “connect”, although we tend to view in this context as a word solely representational of the power of the masses—we must realize that it begins with one. More explicitly, we must bear in mind that within each of us lies the will to powerfully inspire and change our future, the future of your community, your nation, our world. If we all do our duty as women in this universal movement, a better quality of life for all is inevitable.

Our duty begins with understanding who we are and how powerful we are. Through self- empowerment will come the motivation needed to connect and through connection will come enlightenment for one and all.

Each One Reach One; Each One Teach One

Beautiful Baby Blake

Since there is no way that I can truly come to an understanding of where my racist ideologies morphed itself into a malignant growth, that stood there until it was confronted, I will recollect my fondest and most vivid memories to find some answers.

From a very tender age, I was obsessed with dolls—I loved combing their long flowing hair; I loved dressing them up and pretending to go shopping; I loved having love affairs with Ken and switching professions with Barbie. I was a veterinarian, pediatrician, model, actress, ballet dancer, mother and “fashionista”—I was Barbie. But would I be given the chance to become any of these things in the real world? I thought so… after all, whatever Barbie could do, I believed that I too could. Somehow, I could not understand that my colour would act as an impediment in becoming most of what I wanted to be. I didn’t understand how the world worked yet, and even before I did, I had a distorted and dysfunctional view of what it looked like.

I also remember, that in these very juvenescent years, I was lovestruck with the thought of having children. Somehow, I had already pictured what they would all look like and they did not look like me. They did not look like the countenance that my mother always starred at and chanted “ you are beautiful, my angel, so precious.” Where did these images come from and why did I desire to have these things or want these types of children? Where did this nebulous dichotomy of “pretty and fair” and “other and ugly” come from? I did not know that this would mean that I hated who I was. And that cancerous cell continued to grow…

So many things happened in the in betweens. I went to many places, spoke to many people, took many classes, read books, dated and as I started to understand my world and the prisms through which I viewed it— the growth became known and with every lesson learned, with the dimensions of this brain forever stretching… I came to confront that growth and chip away what was there. The racist images that were filled with hate for myself and “othered” peoples all began to melt away—this growth had taken away all senses necessary for living from the beginning—since I was too young to understand them. I thank God that besides external forces, I had a family filled with “othered” people and a support system who praises “othereness.”

I’ve come a long way. I can stand and confidently say that I can see the beauty in any life form and this to me is a blessing from a creator who is good and has made all things good. As a result, my understanding of “Black” is not what is portrayed and spread through the world via media giants. Although I try not to categorize life, people and things by placing limits on them, I identify myself as a Black person—as problematic as it may seem.

“Black” to me is a vast category with many divergent definitions. As time and place changes, its meaning transforms also. For this reason, I do not look down on how other people interpret it, but instead implore them to try to discover why they believe what they do and if its root is faulty they should shed some light on this and transform their thinking.

To me, Black does not necessarily mean the connection to one race solely. Furthermore, being Black does not mean that you are solely or solely acknowledging being of partial or full African heritage. Black to me is mostly an attitude. Many try to connect the ghetto way of life and use this image as something synonymous to blackness. In that same breath, this “Black” attitude is what people who were movers and shakers of our world that we put the spot light on every February, exuded. What people fail to realize is that we all contribute to our image. With that said how have you contributed my brother, and you my sister? How do you add or subtract from the Black voice or the Black attitude?

Being Black to me does not take away from any other ancestory that makes me …me, nor does it mean connecting myself to inferiority. Being Black to me is not accepting what the oppressor has deemed me as—it is the reverse, it is taking back what was stolen and refining it. Being Black to me is being beautiful, powerful, strong, a fighter, a lover, a leader, an intellectual, being who I am and loving who I am…it means being human. My Black is ambiguous, like the name Blake – and it shows just how stupid it is to truly see a multi dimensional entity through a one dimensional prism.

I embrace my baby—Blake, I cherish him for who he is. This baby has replaced that tumor that proved to be detrimental to me and to “othered” peoples everywhere who believe that they have to think, look, speak and feel differently to be “superior”, accepted and better. I cherish my blessing, that is, my vision; I cherish the people who have helped me thus far in shattering fallacies and ridding myself of this growth; they have all helped birth this baby… my beautiful baby… Blake.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love

The Scrub Complex

I’ve heard women say many things about themselves—I’ve heard them claim that, “we are simply complicated, emotional beings, strong, independent, a force, pillars.” Because these same women claim that they stand firm on their belief that they are all these great things…they say that the type of men they decide to court or “give a chance to” is reflective of who they see themselves as. That’s not the problem though… the problem is that I have detected, after much observation, that these same women parade the streets with “low lifes.” How could this be? Are these sisters blind, settling or plain dumb? Today I will like to explore The Scrub Complex.

Initially, what is this complex and how does it come to be? In other words, how does one diagnose this complex and we will end by talking about how it can be alleviated. The scrub complex has surprisingly proliferated, especially in cities like Toronto where good men, who are confident and ready to be men approach women courteously, are a SCARCE resource. In cities of this type women have suddenly taken the place of their male counterparts as the “er” consequently making men the "ee." More explicitly, women are no longer the pursuee but the pursuer, the payer in all or most cases, the “holder” of the ball! To add to this drastic change in dating “protocol” we find men brazen enough to ask if the woman would desire to be the “proposer.” The most confusing and contradictory addition to this is that they want to be respected as “the man” and treatedas the head of the home! Ludicrous right?

Yes! It is in these places where we find women who are willing to lower their standards, do the unthinkable and marry or give chances to people who they know are incompatible in so many ways with them. Sisters are going against what grandmothers, mothers and aunts have been warning against…they are now saying “yes” to scrubs and enabling, reinforcing and propelling this sickness! They say it’s “ok for me to pay for his car to be fixed, it is my job to give him lunch money, it is my duty to pay when we go to dinner because I want him to see me as a strong, independent sister who can take care of her own.” My question is: when did “his own” become your own? What ever happened to “us” “our” and “we”?

The diagnosis: do you know you can do better than the person you have presently put yourself with after swimming through the rough waters of pursuing him? Are you sinking deeper into debt after the commencement of your relationship? Are you with your partner because you are just ready for a child and he seems to want the same things too? Have you convinced yourself that you must take on the role of “er” to be respected and loved and seen as a mutually benefitting individual with equal say in your union? Are you burnt out because you seem to not only hold “the ball” but you own the court, make the rules, make the effort, and feel like at the end of it all… you’re playing all by yourself? Then it’s clearer that you have fallen victim to the “Scrub Complex.”

However, don’t be afraid, there is a way out for you. The first step is severing ties from your scrub and with that knowing that it is not your duty to change him or force him to be someone he is not. After this, it’s important thatyou write down or meditate on who you see yourself with and what you want in life. It’s also imperative that you are realistic with your standards. After you have done this, let it “marinate” and sink deep into you cerebellum! Once you know what this person looks like…wait and don’t you settle. Trust me, you will know when he arrives! Who knows, maybe not just one person fitting the criteria will come along but many!

Lastly, I think it is important that I make my readers understand that there is a difference between “catering to” your man and “spoon feeding” your man. Catering is great and necessary in any lasting relationship—you must show your partner you would go out of your way to show them the dept of your love and many times these things are very little things that can make a big difference (like surprising him at his lunch break for a quickie before he gets back to the tedious routines of office work). However, “catering to” your man is in no way “spoon feeding” you man—which is doing everything for him which can inevitably “stunt” his growth in your relationship.

Ladies… you do deserve better and you know it!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love…

People Who Need People Part II

The Time Will Come

Have you ever felt like a spec of dust in a world filled with monolithic rock? Have you ever? Have you ever felt that no one truly gets it or can connect to you even among your many colleagues? Have you ever? Have you ever had an experience where you were overwhelmed with thought and you felt as if you were drowning in it; you are so exhausted with all your knowledge that you feel like it is too much to contain and it is slowly strangling you?

Have you ever woken up from a dream and straightway ran for your paper and pen, and without effort, without much thought a story wrote itself? Have you ever made art and felt disconnected from the story it told? Well I have.

Below is a story I once wrote. I’ve never been physically or mentally abused—I’ve always been surrounded by love, but one day my pen and my inner self wrote a story that the Jem on the surface at that time had no idea about. As I reread it, so much emotion consumed me.

I chose to share this poem today only because after years of not knowing why that story was relevant to me and where it came from, the reason unfolded today. I realized today that I too can relate to the misery this girl faced and like this girl, time was the ingredient necessary in fulfilling destiny. I’ve reached a certain milestone and only now does “it”… all make sense.

The Silent Voice

My cries, my voice no one can hear.

Loneliness, darkness ever so present, to wake up from this horror my prayer.

To return your ghastly scoldings; to swear at you at the top of my lungs,

To incarcerate you in a lonely cell...and your voice like mine so silent...

Only echoes of your cries you'd hear.

I wish just once I could be heard!

I'll tell all the untold stories, the novel of pain my tiny body has to bear.

The times you'd tower over me, you ogre, you dragon, you beast...

My little voice....ever so silent.

You were my predator, for years I've been your prey,

But I know one day I'd be tall, I'd be unstoppable.

I'd have a voice and sweet vengeance would take lead,

And you, not me, would have to plead.

All the torture, all the pain, the emptiness...

The void in my heart would always remain...NEVER erased from my mind.

Although Just a little child I would remember all the episodes with you and me...

that made me wish I'd never seen this world,

that made me wish that she who bore me never died,

that made me wish I could turn back time...

turn back time to that night you planted your seed

and her heart beat raced and your breaths were deep.

For now....my voice, like the sound of silence

But when I own that voice--liberty to speak, I'd repay you for all this pain

Memory won't fail, because they're engraved

etched in my obscure mind, my tiny heart...my little brain.

J.Wilson (2007)

I can now relate after four years. Four eventful years where I’ve made academic institutions my second home. I’ve been bombarded by critical thought, theorists (dead and alive). I’ve been awakened by life itself; life and its struggles, the quandaries it brings, friends that weren’t even associates. Through this time I too like this little girl was faced with physical and intangible elements that prevented me from saying, doing, reacting speaking! I’ve been guarded; I’ve allowed people, schools, professors, friends, ideologies and the status quo to silence me.

This silencing was implicit, this silencing was destined to be, it commenced at my birth and if I remained unconscious of it, it would proceed to do the same till my death—hampering me from letting out my deepest cries of hope, joy, love, emancipation. The thing is, time has matured my mind, opened it and though physically there might be no sign of growth, that “little” mind has now acquired the necessary ingredients to allow this woman to speak out. I’ve found my voice in all the chaos!

The next step for me is to figure out what I want to use this voice for. Is this voice that of a revolutionary? Should I use it to share knowledge and simultaneously gain it? Should I go on fulfilling the dream of someone else or use my voice to reveal another path unknown to me?

Like this little girl, my chance has come as time has passed and I am grateful for the people who have all led me to this epiphany.

If you have felt like this girl, like me, like the oppressed, suppressed, abused, misused… you are not alone, but remember, your voice will come and when it does it’s up to you what you do with it!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love….

PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE part 1

DESCRIPTION:

“He is confident, strong, intelligent, he has two to three degrees, a stable job,he is h

andsome, desires to be a family man, good with children, always there and spiritual….. If you see him, please let me know and tell him I am looking for him.

Yes, Freud may have been on to something; although he may have been chauvinistic, sexist and and one who placed too much emphasis on the phallus, but could it all be true? Do women look for their fathers in their partners? Are we doomed to wander this earth till he matches the qualification of status: ideal dad? What does this mean for us then?

The scary and most problematic part of this however is not a new observation but one that we can all relate to because it is ever present in society today—daddies are MISSING!!! The fact is that we seldom find families where the fathers are active members and consistently there. What am I saying?

If fathers are present, they are not role models, when they are not present, there is no male figure that compensates for it. Where are we getting this sketch, image, ideology and “ruberic” from? Furthermore, since this is not in fact what we are seeing at home and therefore desiring, is that ok? Is it ok to have these standards? Is this ideal father figure a myth that no one man can match up to and if yes, are we doomed to be alone? What are the consequences of this and how do we overcome it?

First and foremost, it is not ok to have standards and not know from whence these desires came. This blog is about awareness and searching for answers, so I first implore you to figure out why you want this type of man. If your standards are based solely on indoctrination by media or peers, please, begin by finding out more about you and what you need in a partner to compliment your complex personality.

Secondly, this ideal sketch that most women have is sometimes unrealistic. Having standards is not bad however, but I urge you to have goals that are realistic! Good, great and phenomenal men exist so NO whatever you desire in a man (once your goal is realistic and matches compliments you) is not a myth. YOU ARE NOT DOOMED to be alone!

Also, for those who do have great dads who are active members of her family, I know that you too face issues much like those who have no visible father figure. Most of you want to test the waters. You do know that having a great man is the standard and your ultimate desire, but ”is this all there is” you ask yourself. You think that there is more out there to experiment with, you do not want to settle until you find out if there’s something better than daddy. Besides this, you compare men you meet first with daddy, if he does not meet daddy’s image you get rid of him, no matter of the way in which he differs from your dad is really insignificant. The n you wonder why you are alone!

Oh, let’s not forget those who had strong Independent women as role models in place of present fathers. Most of you who are avid readers of my blog, I know that you are familiar with M.I.S and we see again where this syndrome can develop! Yes, it happens in this circumstance—you believe that you can do it all by yourself!

However, M.I.S is just one complex that is birthed in a society like our own where we are searching for the non-existent, never present, extinct dad! Besides M.I.S, the SCRUB COMPLEX is born. I will have to expound on this in my next post.

In conclusion, this is not a problem for one race, gender or class—this is a societal problem, for all PEOPLE. Knowing that this issue exists, it is important to be aware of the standards that have and make certain that they are realistic and tender to your personality and needs. Lastly, be hopeful! There is someone for everyone and with realistic goals and by knowing SELF… he will make himself present and you will KNOW who he is when he comes.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

If you Wanna Wait then Weigh It

Recently I've recognized that I have a stark intolerance for queues of all types and sizes and as time goes by it has become more pronounced. I despise waiting on public transit, I absolutely detest waiting on company, I hate waiting for my flights to be ready for boarding and it's probably obvious that the worst part about traveling for me is waiting for my luggage (that's why if I can, I travel light so I don't have to check my suitcase)...but worst of all, I abhor the fact that according to what the old ladies say, I must wait on Mr. Right. But why grandma? I am the most impatient person in the world, so impatient that I am impatient to learn how to be patient.

Furthermore, why is patience a virtue? Maybe because not many people prove to be strong enough to withstand the odds that lead you to "give up" on something or someone? Who knows? However, the question most important to ponder on is: are these wise folks correct and must we wait it out; or do we keep our vision 20/20 and jump on the bandwagon when we think what's right in front of our faces is right for us to spend our forever or whenever with? To add to these mind boggling questions, what if the one who is right in front of our faces, the one we think is all we need... what if his eyes are not on us or he is just not ready to commit? What if that person you have your heart set on rejects you?

I'm not done yet with the questions! How long do we wait if we should wait for him (the one we have our hearts set on)? What about the Mr. Right who's the question mark... how long do we wait on him before turning to eharmony or some other social networking site people utilize these days to find partners? Is there a set amount of time to wait? Is there a sign that we must be ready to acknowledge so we'd know if to stay or leave? Damn... why is this relationship thing so complicated? Or is it that we make it complicated? Too many questions? Maybe!

Enough questions, time for some answers. Initially, I think that if there is one question that must be answered among the plethora listed above, I believe it's the "should I wait on the man who I love but does not love me" question. Waiting is not easy, it may be an indication that the love you have for that someone is true since you are willing to put all else aside to focus your emotions and every inch of your being on this one person. If you want to wait, weigh whether your decision is hurting or helping your well being. However, remember that you must love you, care for you, treasure you, all in all put you first! Ultimately, the reason why you would be inclined to wait on a person is because you think it will be beneficial to you in the end. However, waiting can become like a wound that still bears the instrument that punctured the body and that grows worse and hurts more everyday. In this case you might want to reconsider why you are waiting.

Furthermore, some people may be inclined to ask if the amount of time you know a person is a determining factor about whether the feeling is love or infatuation. My answer is NO! You can know someone for two decades and be confident that what you have for that someone is love, but after two decades and a day, because of an epiphany, you realize that whatever the feeling is that you have for your partner is not love. Furthermore you may know someone for months and know in a heart beat that what you feel for that individual is so much deeper than infatuation and like nothing you have ever felt before. After all, if we could measure love, how would we weigh it? As it would seem, like many other emotions we battle to explain... love is just not that simple. So beware of the people who act like they are "love experts"... in fact they are most probably charlatans!

Lastly, ladies and gentlemen, it is important that you recognize that you can find answers within yourself. Weigh the options, weigh the consequences of waiting. Why is it you think this person is the right one for you? Most of all, live your life, love, laugh and have tons of fun because if you don't you might turn yourself into the living dead. If he is the one, if she is the one... even if you leave or wait "it" will happen and that's just the truth!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.