People Who Need People Part II

The Time Will Come

Have you ever felt like a spec of dust in a world filled with monolithic rock? Have you ever? Have you ever felt that no one truly gets it or can connect to you even among your many colleagues? Have you ever? Have you ever had an experience where you were overwhelmed with thought and you felt as if you were drowning in it; you are so exhausted with all your knowledge that you feel like it is too much to contain and it is slowly strangling you?

Have you ever woken up from a dream and straightway ran for your paper and pen, and without effort, without much thought a story wrote itself? Have you ever made art and felt disconnected from the story it told? Well I have.

Below is a story I once wrote. I’ve never been physically or mentally abused—I’ve always been surrounded by love, but one day my pen and my inner self wrote a story that the Jem on the surface at that time had no idea about. As I reread it, so much emotion consumed me.

I chose to share this poem today only because after years of not knowing why that story was relevant to me and where it came from, the reason unfolded today. I realized today that I too can relate to the misery this girl faced and like this girl, time was the ingredient necessary in fulfilling destiny. I’ve reached a certain milestone and only now does “it”… all make sense.

The Silent Voice

My cries, my voice no one can hear.

Loneliness, darkness ever so present, to wake up from this horror my prayer.

To return your ghastly scoldings; to swear at you at the top of my lungs,

To incarcerate you in a lonely cell...and your voice like mine so silent...

Only echoes of your cries you'd hear.

I wish just once I could be heard!

I'll tell all the untold stories, the novel of pain my tiny body has to bear.

The times you'd tower over me, you ogre, you dragon, you beast...

My little voice....ever so silent.

You were my predator, for years I've been your prey,

But I know one day I'd be tall, I'd be unstoppable.

I'd have a voice and sweet vengeance would take lead,

And you, not me, would have to plead.

All the torture, all the pain, the emptiness...

The void in my heart would always remain...NEVER erased from my mind.

Although Just a little child I would remember all the episodes with you and me...

that made me wish I'd never seen this world,

that made me wish that she who bore me never died,

that made me wish I could turn back time...

turn back time to that night you planted your seed

and her heart beat raced and your breaths were deep.

For now....my voice, like the sound of silence

But when I own that voice--liberty to speak, I'd repay you for all this pain

Memory won't fail, because they're engraved

etched in my obscure mind, my tiny heart...my little brain.

J.Wilson (2007)

I can now relate after four years. Four eventful years where I’ve made academic institutions my second home. I’ve been bombarded by critical thought, theorists (dead and alive). I’ve been awakened by life itself; life and its struggles, the quandaries it brings, friends that weren’t even associates. Through this time I too like this little girl was faced with physical and intangible elements that prevented me from saying, doing, reacting speaking! I’ve been guarded; I’ve allowed people, schools, professors, friends, ideologies and the status quo to silence me.

This silencing was implicit, this silencing was destined to be, it commenced at my birth and if I remained unconscious of it, it would proceed to do the same till my death—hampering me from letting out my deepest cries of hope, joy, love, emancipation. The thing is, time has matured my mind, opened it and though physically there might be no sign of growth, that “little” mind has now acquired the necessary ingredients to allow this woman to speak out. I’ve found my voice in all the chaos!

The next step for me is to figure out what I want to use this voice for. Is this voice that of a revolutionary? Should I use it to share knowledge and simultaneously gain it? Should I go on fulfilling the dream of someone else or use my voice to reveal another path unknown to me?

Like this little girl, my chance has come as time has passed and I am grateful for the people who have all led me to this epiphany.

If you have felt like this girl, like me, like the oppressed, suppressed, abused, misused… you are not alone, but remember, your voice will come and when it does it’s up to you what you do with it!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love….

PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE part 1

DESCRIPTION:

“He is confident, strong, intelligent, he has two to three degrees, a stable job,he is h

andsome, desires to be a family man, good with children, always there and spiritual….. If you see him, please let me know and tell him I am looking for him.

Yes, Freud may have been on to something; although he may have been chauvinistic, sexist and and one who placed too much emphasis on the phallus, but could it all be true? Do women look for their fathers in their partners? Are we doomed to wander this earth till he matches the qualification of status: ideal dad? What does this mean for us then?

The scary and most problematic part of this however is not a new observation but one that we can all relate to because it is ever present in society today—daddies are MISSING!!! The fact is that we seldom find families where the fathers are active members and consistently there. What am I saying?

If fathers are present, they are not role models, when they are not present, there is no male figure that compensates for it. Where are we getting this sketch, image, ideology and “ruberic” from? Furthermore, since this is not in fact what we are seeing at home and therefore desiring, is that ok? Is it ok to have these standards? Is this ideal father figure a myth that no one man can match up to and if yes, are we doomed to be alone? What are the consequences of this and how do we overcome it?

First and foremost, it is not ok to have standards and not know from whence these desires came. This blog is about awareness and searching for answers, so I first implore you to figure out why you want this type of man. If your standards are based solely on indoctrination by media or peers, please, begin by finding out more about you and what you need in a partner to compliment your complex personality.

Secondly, this ideal sketch that most women have is sometimes unrealistic. Having standards is not bad however, but I urge you to have goals that are realistic! Good, great and phenomenal men exist so NO whatever you desire in a man (once your goal is realistic and matches compliments you) is not a myth. YOU ARE NOT DOOMED to be alone!

Also, for those who do have great dads who are active members of her family, I know that you too face issues much like those who have no visible father figure. Most of you want to test the waters. You do know that having a great man is the standard and your ultimate desire, but ”is this all there is” you ask yourself. You think that there is more out there to experiment with, you do not want to settle until you find out if there’s something better than daddy. Besides this, you compare men you meet first with daddy, if he does not meet daddy’s image you get rid of him, no matter of the way in which he differs from your dad is really insignificant. The n you wonder why you are alone!

Oh, let’s not forget those who had strong Independent women as role models in place of present fathers. Most of you who are avid readers of my blog, I know that you are familiar with M.I.S and we see again where this syndrome can develop! Yes, it happens in this circumstance—you believe that you can do it all by yourself!

However, M.I.S is just one complex that is birthed in a society like our own where we are searching for the non-existent, never present, extinct dad! Besides M.I.S, the SCRUB COMPLEX is born. I will have to expound on this in my next post.

In conclusion, this is not a problem for one race, gender or class—this is a societal problem, for all PEOPLE. Knowing that this issue exists, it is important to be aware of the standards that have and make certain that they are realistic and tender to your personality and needs. Lastly, be hopeful! There is someone for everyone and with realistic goals and by knowing SELF… he will make himself present and you will KNOW who he is when he comes.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

If you Wanna Wait then Weigh It

Recently I've recognized that I have a stark intolerance for queues of all types and sizes and as time goes by it has become more pronounced. I despise waiting on public transit, I absolutely detest waiting on company, I hate waiting for my flights to be ready for boarding and it's probably obvious that the worst part about traveling for me is waiting for my luggage (that's why if I can, I travel light so I don't have to check my suitcase)...but worst of all, I abhor the fact that according to what the old ladies say, I must wait on Mr. Right. But why grandma? I am the most impatient person in the world, so impatient that I am impatient to learn how to be patient.

Furthermore, why is patience a virtue? Maybe because not many people prove to be strong enough to withstand the odds that lead you to "give up" on something or someone? Who knows? However, the question most important to ponder on is: are these wise folks correct and must we wait it out; or do we keep our vision 20/20 and jump on the bandwagon when we think what's right in front of our faces is right for us to spend our forever or whenever with? To add to these mind boggling questions, what if the one who is right in front of our faces, the one we think is all we need... what if his eyes are not on us or he is just not ready to commit? What if that person you have your heart set on rejects you?

I'm not done yet with the questions! How long do we wait if we should wait for him (the one we have our hearts set on)? What about the Mr. Right who's the question mark... how long do we wait on him before turning to eharmony or some other social networking site people utilize these days to find partners? Is there a set amount of time to wait? Is there a sign that we must be ready to acknowledge so we'd know if to stay or leave? Damn... why is this relationship thing so complicated? Or is it that we make it complicated? Too many questions? Maybe!

Enough questions, time for some answers. Initially, I think that if there is one question that must be answered among the plethora listed above, I believe it's the "should I wait on the man who I love but does not love me" question. Waiting is not easy, it may be an indication that the love you have for that someone is true since you are willing to put all else aside to focus your emotions and every inch of your being on this one person. If you want to wait, weigh whether your decision is hurting or helping your well being. However, remember that you must love you, care for you, treasure you, all in all put you first! Ultimately, the reason why you would be inclined to wait on a person is because you think it will be beneficial to you in the end. However, waiting can become like a wound that still bears the instrument that punctured the body and that grows worse and hurts more everyday. In this case you might want to reconsider why you are waiting.

Furthermore, some people may be inclined to ask if the amount of time you know a person is a determining factor about whether the feeling is love or infatuation. My answer is NO! You can know someone for two decades and be confident that what you have for that someone is love, but after two decades and a day, because of an epiphany, you realize that whatever the feeling is that you have for your partner is not love. Furthermore you may know someone for months and know in a heart beat that what you feel for that individual is so much deeper than infatuation and like nothing you have ever felt before. After all, if we could measure love, how would we weigh it? As it would seem, like many other emotions we battle to explain... love is just not that simple. So beware of the people who act like they are "love experts"... in fact they are most probably charlatans!

Lastly, ladies and gentlemen, it is important that you recognize that you can find answers within yourself. Weigh the options, weigh the consequences of waiting. Why is it you think this person is the right one for you? Most of all, live your life, love, laugh and have tons of fun because if you don't you might turn yourself into the living dead. If he is the one, if she is the one... even if you leave or wait "it" will happen and that's just the truth!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

Losing my "Virginity"

I can just imagine how fast your heart is beating right now and how focused your eyes are on the monitor. I can just imagine the questions that are flooding your mind and the assumptions that you are being plagued with. Well now my readers, before you start thinking about how brazen or, for others, ludicrous I might be for writing about what you think I'm writing about-- stop and take a deep breath.

Today, I will need you to be calm and ready to explore some plains that your mind may have never ventured to before. Furthermore, the topic I am about to explore will make it necessary for you to clear your mind and as you sit there, most likely in a very nostalgic mood, I urge you to go beyond the surface of my words in this entry; after all, words are never sufficient for me and sometimes a sound or movement better suffices.

Initially, there are some key words that must be examined. First: sex and subsequently, sexual intercourse. Finally, I will state the definition of virginity and words synonymous for this according to Webster. The phenomena we term as sex is defined as the sexual union involving penetration of the vagina by the penis. Furthermore, intercourse is defined as "doings between individuals or groups" and "the act of penetrating the vagina with the penis." Lastly, virginity is explained as "being in an original, unspoiled state. The dictionary follows by stating that virginity is synonymous with words like "innocence, decent and pure."

Combined, we have an interesting conglomeration of words that explain the process of the removal of a specific barrier that one once attained and the process of transitioning from the once "original" to a new opened state; to a new world that makes you no longer innocent or pure. If you know your Bible or Quran well enough, this may remind you of the story of Adam and Eve who became impure when they exposed themselves and partook of the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil that they were told to ABSTAIN from. Doesn't it? Can you see where I'm going with this?

Furthermore, consider the act of sex and begin to contemplate about the many reasons why restraining oneself from sexual intercourse is deemed so necessary in our societies. Some may quickly assert to the fact that many of our "modern" societies are founded on moral theories that are directly related to the strong presence of Judeo-Christian and Islamic doctrine that prove to be the foundation upon which they stand. However, besides this somewhat sociological explanation, can we go a little deeper than the surface?

In my exploration of this phenomena, sex is just another mechanism used to control the powerless. Sex is so powerful that if one is able to control someone's sex life, one can certainly control all other components of the individual. Think about it. Now that you've taken some time to contemplate on this, who has manipulated you by controlling your sex life, how do they do it and how does it make you feel? For those who have lost their virginity, does your life (relationships, worldview, opinions) change after you begin having sex? Interesting, isn't it?

To continue, do you recognize some fundamental features of virginity? Firstly, to lose one's virginity means that you must have something to lose in the first place-- there is a transition from one state to the next, it is transitional. Additionally, an extremely interesting fact is how much you gain or do not gain from losing. More explicitly, consider the emotions, exchange of moments, thoughts and energies that are essential features of this process which may consequently lead to many benefits or devastating negatives. Now don't you agree that it seems like it shouldn't necessarily be explained as "losing"? Shouldn't we call it exchanging?

Furthermore, now that we have explored all these concepts, can you see how a closed mind can be equated to an pure, innocent, unpenetrated yet not in the least sense impervious ....virgin mind? With that said, I must say that this past summer was the most eventful and devirginizing summers of my very short life. However; unlike every other phase of my mental, spiritual and emotional growth, I have gained so much information from these events that I wouldn't have if I had a closed minded approach to viewing each situation. Furthermore, my mind has been enlarged so much that with each PENETRATING idea, thought or action initiated by someone in close relation to me, I have gained so much knowledge; and it is true, knowledge is power.

Additionally, I urge you to recognize that we live in societies controlled by the rich and powerful who are parasites that feed on the people who are what I consider their host. If you are closed minded and unaware of your BODY they will control it. Furthermore, they will control the activity in which has the most power over all the components of your life. Upon recognizing this, decide if this is symbiotic relationship or parasitic and let this determine your mode of REaction.

On another level, take some time to identify who has the most power in your life and how they attained such high status? Is the intercourse mutually beneficial-- is it an exchange of valuable entities across the board or are you a big loser?

Lastly, I hope that this entry will lead you to continue questioning powerful forces, people and phenomena. Furthermore, I hope you truly get the message I have attempted to share. If you think I'm saying that you must go find a male or female and have sexual intercourse or begin to have it now if you have not yet begun, please, re read the entry and think some more...

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

Diaries of an Emotional Thinker

Being in a class entitled "The Philosophy of Sexuality" this summer has certainly opened my eyes yet baffled me simultaneously. However, most importantly it has led me to question many things that I once thought I had understood. With these once clear topics now blurred, and with a recent trial in my life I was forced to think of the events in my short journey that made "Jem"... Jem. But who am I and what aspect of me am I referring to today? Today, I am referring to the emotional Jemmimah.

I was always a sheltered child, yet I grew up in a home that was always open; open to those in need. Just like the case of where I grew up, many more oxymorons were present. I was raised by a mother who was attached to me, yet would always tell me the cold, sometimes brutish truth. As I blossomed, I was the quietest child at school and the most talkative at home. I was the kindest, yet the most aggressive. And as I grew, the once ugly duckling eventually became a "swan" and the girls that became my friends treated me like a gem that needed to be constantly babied and protected; yet they themselves were tough, out-spoken and sometimes rebellious.

Then tragedy struck...I lost two of my best friends (in the same year). Then I lost a young woman who I admired since I was little. I called her "Dawn" and I remember sharing many memories with her when she would take me from my mom to spend weekends at her house. With the already present paradoxes or "ambiguities" that shaped me, these tragedies turned me into an "emotional wreck" and I was totally oblivious to this.

Yes, Circumstances made me who I am today. However, how does this so called emotional girl love without seeming to be needy? How does she survive in a rational world where reason is favoured and emotion scorned? As I was led to think on this I had an epiphany.

So many times we see the world in binary: black or white, on or off, male or female. These ambiguous dichotomies that were already constructed for us that we sometimes force ourselves into are not necessarily the way we ought to view the world or the things within it. This girl has been told she is "overly emotional" only because she is not always rational, she allows the heart to lead her many times and gets tossed into the "emotional" category. But who said that there is no reason in love? At that moment, I reflected on one of my favourite quotes by F. Nietzsche that says "there is always some madness in love; but always some reason in madness."

Furthermore, I realized that this blog in itself, a space where I write at great lengths mostly about love and relationships is enough evidence that I am not just a member of the "emotional" group, but I am a thinker; I'm an emotional thinker. Nietzsche is right once again; whoever said that loving means absence of reason and absence of the mind does not really know love.

In conclusion, emotional, rational or other, free yourself from these ambiguous categories! Furthermore, do not feel discouraged or ashamed when you make decisions based on emotion- sometimes they make sense, sometimes they're probably the best choice you could have made!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love...

Contracts PT. 1

Fear is the Mother of Morality F. Nietzsche

Why do we love the things that are bad for us? I’ve often found myself bound in fetters where I’ve been doing the greatest injustices to myself and self inflicted pain has been the “cause of death” or near “death” experiences. However, the more interesting question would be: why is it that most of us who try to live circumspectly, who are organized and strive to be consistent end up loving these bad inconsistent things that lead to self infliction?

Renowned philosophers in the world of academia spent all their time talking about one thing, the consequences of these things and how man should or could live because of it. This thing is what we call the “social contract.” Just like this contract, every contract has some things in common and today I will attempt to highlight these similarities that may be the key to answering some of these mind- boggling issues.

First of all, why in the world would we make ourselves bound to something or someone? Furthermore why is it that the social contract, the institution of marriage, three year phone agreements and even unwritten ones between two people are so socially accepted? Now, I may seem to have all the answers but I implore you to sit and think it over today.

In my perspective one reason why society holds on to and praises these contracts is because of FEAR and as humans our priority is to survive—to protect ourselves in an insecure world. One wise person once told me that as humans two emotions propel our actions: fear and love. What is important to note however is that whether a contract is entered in based on love or fear changes the consequences and or duration of the contract.

Furthermore, those who are the most organized and circumspect in this world are most likely the ones who are most afraid to face mistakes and the consequences they bring. Because they are afraid they tend to enter into many contracts that assure them that there will be stability and security. However, in a world of uncertainties and instability no matter how many contracts they enter into, they never find peace of mind or a static life. Instead, they live miserable lives filled with depression, fear and worry; these worriers live in shackles.

One of my favourite quotes is: don’t forget to live while preparing for tomorrow and don’t forget tomorrow while preparing for today. Yes you need to think ahead but enjoying the moment is just as important. To my worriers, insecure, overly organized people who would do anything for security: relax and live. After all, you will learn so much more be open to so much more if you let go of your fears and live, the fortified walls you built in your life can be destroyed by life itself!

For my secure, over confident and disorganized folks: tomorrow is not promised but that does not mean that preparation is not imperative; you attain so much from life when you prepare. Furthermore, I’ve realized that sometimes spontaneity requires preparation…think about it.

There are so many differences between love and fear and the consequences they bring vary… but LOVE...it conquers all….

Speak and accept the truth in love.

Priceless Before Refinement

They say diamonds are forever, but where on earth did this cliché even come from? After some research I've realized that it's only forever because of what it represents after refinement. It is because of this same notion that we view our value the way we do as humans in a materialistic world and the very same reason why we strive to be who we are not.

Recently the trials of life left me in a state of questioning and in this moment I asked myself: is the gem in the rubble the same gem in the jeweler's hand after it is refined? Does this gem have the same worth in both situations? How do we give things value and is our form of price tagging efficient; is our way of price tagging correct?

Initially, before the drama I recently got myself so deep into had happened I was swayed to believe that it was only when the “jeweler” took that material and placed it into the fire, shined cleaned and worked on the material, that the diamond became a diamond. I was made to believe that while in the dirt and the mess the diamond was nothing but a valueless piece of rock.

Furthermore, it is only when the rock is taken, it’s environment changes and now in the glass of the jeweler’s diamond display after refinement, it’s price is attached. Consequently, only when a purpose of worth comes along and we are used as ends in ourselves and not means to an end, we become valuable. Finally, the only conclusion that one can come to if these premises are correct is: the diamond is a diamond only because it is used for a specific purpose and given value by a specific person.

However if we apply this to finding our worth or value as people, although we tend to be accepting of this way in which diamond acquire their value, in this materialistic world that we live in, it is evident that this may not be efficient, correct or healthy.

We are made for a purpose and it is not when we go through fire that we gain our worth. That rock only changes in appearance but the value, intrinsic value NEVER changes. When we live our lives and give ourselves worth based on someone else’s way of measuring beauty or character we are fueling materialism and guided by our world’s criteria of what "beauty" is.

Instead, knowing your worth doesn’t mean knowing what someone says you’re worth. The jeweler does not give the rock it’s value, your parents loved ones or friends do not give you your worth. Furthermore, overcoming life’s battles and learning does not give you your value, nor does your change of environment or crowd—the fire does not change your inherent pricelessness. Instead, it shows you how much work you need to go through in finding your purpose-- it's part of a process to find purpose not one that gives value.

Knowing your worth comes only when you know who you are, why God has placed you here and you strive to do that which he has set out for you to do. The fires and refinement is only symbols of nearing perfection and that in itself does not mean you’re any better in value than you were before. You were never a means to an end; you were always an end, you were never a bridge towards a goal, you were always THE goal.

Ladies, and my few gentlemen readers, hear me out today! You are your purpose and this is essentially what has made you priceless, not what family you were born into and where you can potentially reach in life. Was the man in the manger (the place where animals feed) any less than the man on the cross? Did his worth ever change depending on his age or what he went through?

Furthermore, the fact that God made you, no matter if you are copper, stone, glass, rock, crystal or diamond; you are here for a purpose. Now I implore you to live and learn and find YOU bearing in mind that you are here for a reason, and you being here is what makes you PRICELESS!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.