What's so Real about REALITY?

If reality is what we perceive it to be through our experiences with the world, then it’s subjective. If reality is subjective why do we call it re-al-ity? What’s so genuine about it? Is it because it seems less superficial or more logical than one we deem to have a “skewed view” of the world? Is it really?

 Is there some true essence that makes it real or is that truth that seems to evade from things that move us, the effects of something inside ourselves? Things like love, pain, joy, hurt…yet these too are totally contingent on a structure that we can trace back to ourselves. It spirals right back, slowly, brutishly, gracefully…it moves right back to you—the source of all re-al-ity.

We talk about it like it’s something objective—simply because what we perceive it to be sounds a lot like someone else’s claim? Then tell me... in re-al-ity…what really is this “love” thing? A word we use to characterize the euphoric feeling we claim we have found when we have seen true beauty, true long suffering, kindness and gentleness… or even the exact opposite at times. But what is beautiful and what is long suffering? It depends on social construction...and is determined by context.Looks like we are back at one; made a full circle and came to no conclusion-- except ofcourse that our ideas coem from somewhere...a place within us, a subject.

The truth is… the birds probably laugh at our ability to see—yet we act as though our eyes can take us to an alternate universe. The manatee or the catfish, who many think are the less intricate animal, probably snicker at the thought that our feelings are enough to help us act logically on impulse.

The truth is our reality is what’s good to us….period. My pain is not your pain, my love is not your love, my truth is not yours and neither is my reality. What does this even mean? What’s the point? Is there ever a point even to life itself? What’s ever the point?

Before threading the waters of existentialism, let me say: thread lightly—you never know who you’re crushing, it’s probably some form that keeps your world bright or it might turn out to be the reason you’re alive. Not just that, but walk humbly for your reality is but yours and your perception bears way too many flaws. Last of all, be grateful because what you have may be little but a little of a lot of greatness.

Dsyfunctionality- Thinking like "Women" Acting like "Men"...whatever that means...

The Black Death pt. 1

"The Sprint to the Light....and the Jog Back to Chains"

I hate the fact that people blame the “black feminist movement” for broken black marriages where black women are successful and powerful partners today. 

In my daily internet browsing session I came across a video called “Why successful black women can’t find black men” and I was urged to skim the responses posted under the video. Almost instantaneously, I was disgusted by the remarks, clear misunderstanding and altogether ignorance of the people who received gestures of agreement by other spectators. 

I am not in total disagreement with the belief that some black women have misunderstood what independence means-- Steve Harvey would say they are acting like men (when you scrutinize their social roles) and thinking like women (trapped in a 1960's black romance novel). Rather, maybe as time has evolved women too must evolve as words like independence are fluid— nothing in this world is static; even the word “change” is mutable.

Most notably, circumstances are culpable for molding character, something that is  inherently malleable. What am I saying? People must educate themselves, open their eyes and seek deeper reasons for legacies that persist in our societies.

I know of many successful black women who have found men and are married (some happy and some very unhappy). For the unhappy many, I have observed that some financially secure women who have partners that are not as stable grow weary as the stark imbalances and incompatibility (intellectually and financially) become more pronounced as time goes by living under the same roof.

This leads me to a greater question: why do successful black women settle? I am in no way implying that women are superior, but instead I am asserting that so far… the women I have come across in my very short journey who are in unhappy ,parasitic relationships have men who need to uplift themselves. Instead of looking to their successful female counterparts and shunning them because of their achievements, maybe they should shake off the idle spirit of stagnation and aim towards limitless progress.

I have been blessed to be in a family that has made tertiary education imperative and in no way a choice. As a result I stand among men in my family who are lawyers, engineers, professors at Ivy league schools, mechanics who know how to carry the burden of providing for a family, faithful doctors and businessmen married to equally successful black women. My point? Maybe we need to recognize how much circumstances are to blame for many societal issues.

Ultimately, marriage and long term relationships should be wholesome and equitable. This means that the two parties must be balanced in all aspects or near balance. Weigh it ladies and gentlemen or WAIT! 

In conclusion, maybe the imbalance in black relationships and the inability of black women who have achieved high acclaims and accolades to find men they are compatible with  is two fold. You see this problem is not the consequence of “the black feminist movement” or any feminist movement for that matter. Rather, it marks the stagnation of many of our people mentally.

Black men: “step your academic game.” Male marginalization theory my ass! Black women, open your eyes and try to understand our men. If we are to progress together, we need to work together and understand each other instead of assuming and judging each other based on flawed arguments.  I am tired of the antediluvian arguments that place all blame on feminism and the black woman. STOP….think… rethink… then act! 

Maybe your thinking process should start with this question: what is feminism?

I can start answering for you. Although there are many types, phases and or waves of feminism with divergent visions, all movements aim to achieve social justice for women— these groups have recognized the continued subordination of women and how we are unfairly treated and so they fight for legal provisions among other necessities to level the playing field. 

Leveling the playing field does not mean that we should totally forget or pretend that we are different-- the truth is we are all distinct. Therefore justice means that we must carefully analyse the picture and smoothen the creases...clear up the loopholes. Now… tell me… what is so wrong with feminism if you are not chauvinistic and sexist?

The Road to Free Doom

How far again would we go before our enchantment with the mechanics of humanity and the world lead us into nothingness? How much longer must we travel before everything that once held on to the bones that mark our history—the bane of our existence is annihilated?

How far is too far? Will “political corretness” the engine of human rights, propel us to a utopia where we all love and respect each other or will this take us ten steps back, far back…and as if we pressed the rewind button we travel past our not too distant brutal, barbaric and bloody history. Yes…we pass our capitalist—colonial—manifest destiny— era, before any  black, brown, yellow…subordinated wo(man) could brazenly utter a word on “rights.”

Yes….political correctness—a term more poignant than someone smeared with feces; putrid yet stimulating to all those who fight for those once marginalized. They say “stand not for something and fall for anything” but what happens when you stand for everything do you not fall too because of the contradictions that you will face in joining things that seem all too similar to be disconnected when observed through a myopic lens?

Is my argument nothing but a slippery slope? To me there’s no slope it’s just slippery. Slippery because it marks how fleeting academia has become, how subjective, how unquestioning and accepting. Like a sociopath, or the black widow lures her prey who flies too close to her intricately designed snare. We continue to fly too high to the spider’s web in our aim to utopia we call social inclusion.

Humanity is still in that dark cave where there is very little light—the enslaved cavemen have only heard from those enlightened that there is an illuminating light outside, the tale they are told that what they see is not all that exists, but something greater lies outside. And as if they are having a lucid dream, these cavemen believe that the illusions that their deceitful eyes tell them is reality, fact, truth but instead they are nothing but skewed impressions of faulty perception on the cave’s walls.

And they continue to travel. Past the Magna Carta, the Declaration of a corrupt independence, past any constitution that spoke of inalienable rights that made all men equal. Past the establishment of Trinidadian Government when “discipline, tolerance and production” became something like the Indo-Afro Trinidadian mantra. How ironic! These words were meant to solidify independence from a colonial past, yet they speak of continued enslavement.

The “good” indentured labourer and slave was disciplined and the iron fist kept him moral. This labourer needed to be subordinate and do what was said by his master in order to be productive, productive for a common good that in retrospect seems like…the greater good (the good of the master that is). The only difference now was the attempt to penetrate racial lines that was necessary to rape the minds of these “ex slaves.”

Like a virgin who was about to consummate her marriage they forced in the word tolerance in the midst of these two functions and factors of slavery to make these two distinct groups shake hands, meet, function as a unit…again for their benefit. Tolerance and political correctness are one in the same. Tolerance: the act to allow deviation from a standard, to become less responsive. Tolerance is preached daily to mean something noble, something necessary, but taken for what it is, it can only lead to the “ dummifying” and death of the person.

The most tolerant societies today still have a citizenry who proudly wave their anti semitic and anti black flags in the front of their residences while greeting you with a smile be you black man or Jew. The truth is, no matter how socially active a sect of the population or how much this doctrine of tolerance is preached there is still hate in the hearts of man. Hate for different, hate for extraordinary hate for the “other”, hate for “them” and tolerance will never produce love.

The abyss is near and soon this subtly fascist world will crumble with all its corrupt ideologies that bear the so called “superstructure.” However, before this happens, human rights will not take the enslaved cave man to a place of freedom. The process has indeed been an incremental one but soon the stage will come when our eyes must be closed, our mouths shut up and like soldiers in a medieval army our hands stiffly to our sides and because our senses will have no use anymore we will all fall into a pit that was prepared for us. You see, before the physical came the mental “dummifying” so at the end there really would be no hope for mankind.

What then dare I say is right and wrong? Is truth objective or should the enlightened shape a world where the common good is truly the purpose of all life and are they then to determine the rights that should govern and establish society? Even Plato, the great philosopher that he was, recognized how complex and intricate answering this question was and though he believed in objectivity of truth and beauty there was some subjectivity in his utopian society.

I am no advocate of fascism or horrible acts like genocide and eugenicide but I do believe that we are taking many steps backward believing that anything goes without carefully dissecting all popular opinion and beliefs. The truth is just as we are not all the same, we are not all different and no matter how close our histories, they are all distinct. Forcing the connection between all groups and sects should not be our goal because in doing so our fall is inevitable because of the ample contradictions we will encounter in that quest.

Isn’t it futile for an enslaved man who only knows candlelight as his source to build his life around the beliefs of his enslaved brother whose reality is just as dark and limited as his own? There is no easy solution to transforming hateful hearts to loving ones just as it is hard for a busy New Yorker to find balance in the hustle and bustle of city life.

However, the way to a better place for all of humanity is that we interrogate all thoughts, beliefs, notions before we accept it. Interrogate by reading, writing and opening one’s mind to the opposing view and above all “mind your own business.” Plato never meant that we must be narcissistic and selfish, but instead he reminds us of the power of looking within for the answers. Furthermore, in doing so, doing yourself some good means indirectly doing all humanity some good. He may not have been an advocate for questioning in his mentally enslaving Republic but I do believe that the journey towards finding “self” and understanding one’s place in the midst of this beautiful mosaic we live each day will lead to love and happiness for one and all.

Speak your truth and I’ll interrogate your truth in love.

Remember when we were the victims?

Where do you draw the line between “slactivism” and “activism”? Who determines what is right and wrong? If the problems within African countries are not ours are we to hold our heads and bawl with the feelings of hopelessness consuming us and… unrelenting disdain for those who we believe are higher powers—the ones greater than us the ones who stand on the hill and look down, as we look up, who we think control the world and the future?

Do we focus on ourselves because charity begins at home and ends abroad? Where did we get this picture from? What about the whole “white man’s burden” theory and how are we to feel about the possibility, as “othered” persons, that this might be the hidden agenda behind all of this? What if something a lot murkier haunts this matter or lurks behind the echoes of voices screaming for justice?

Yes, I believe that colonialism has not ended and rather than living in post-colonial societies, for many, we now live in neo colonial nation states that have strong ties to more than one oppressor. I do believe that capitalism is culpable for many ills we see and face daily but I do not believe that socialism is the simple solution. I do believe in the “white man’s burden” and I also believe that the opposite is true. I do believe also that pity can harm but pity can heal.

I do believe that we must be careful of becoming “bandwagonists”—drifting in the wind with every fleeting thing that comes. I do believe that if you stand for nothing you can fall for anything as the cliché says. But I also believe that being bombarded by thought, literature, professors and students, classrooms and activist groups, Jehovah’s witnesses and the news, the media and sensationalists, that we may stand for many things and fall for them too. I do believe in the power of thought to drive but I too believe in the subjectivity and fallacious nature of the senses.

In our world today where nothing is private—our lives are involuntarily and voluntarily posted to a site and our thoughts can be constantly updated for many to see, be it for the viewing pleasure of someone 10 miles away or 100,000, we realize more and more that the lines that at some time (or maybe never) outlined a boundary that determines foreign from local, me from you and us from them is now more blurred and vague than ever before.

We all hear of globalization and combined with the goals and efforts of transnational corporations, media giants, international law and government, terrorism and NATO missions worldwide we know that globalization is alive and kicking and has its pros and cons. However, alongside this we also see strict immigration policies limiting movement among countries; we see how the “winners” try to secure their piece of the “pie” or the entire thing.

What does this mean for all of us? What does this mean if we desire to put our hand with another—reach for another to help him or her up? The truth is, only you can truly know and understand your duty and purpose and I hope that by the end of this piece you are motivated to find this.

My most significant belief is that we can find the solutions to many of our problems by searching inside ourselves. This mantra in itself is my answer when questioned about the rightness or wrongness of something like “the white man’s burden” or MAN’s burden.

Man’s burden today after seeing countless sorrow filled United Way commercials and a proliferation of online videos showcasing the atrocities done to peoples globally all compel us to help if we can. Some say that we must bear our own burden before another; however, it is time that we see that the burden of one 100,000 miles away is our burden just as much as someone ten miles away—this is not the “white man’s burden” this is man’s burden. This understanding is the beginnings of humanism.

It is time that we recognize the importance of letting go of selfishness and individualism and truly realizing the power that we can find in joining for a good cause. Why can’t we do both? We can simply show our hate for the crimes men like Joseph Kony and other rebels continue to commit daily while helping our neighbours. Uganda is our neighbour just as Southern Trinidad is—do not fall into the trap called “sensitization”.

Why must we criticise those who are doing what they can to impede the unjust from continuing on their evil path? We must do our part and our responsibility as huMANs is doing what little we can with what we have to influence positive change. Be it posting flyers to “make Kony famous,” influencing policy makers to focus on a matter that has been marginalized in your own hometowns or illustrating to all within your local community and your global community the work that we all need to join hands to help with.

We are not as selfish as we think—do not let this attitude consume you. We are not a separate entity—we all share this earth. We may be sovereign nations but we cannot survive on our own—we are not self -sufficient. The problem is a global one—do we target the smaller picture, should we see the problems through a microcosmic lens and forget the bigger picture or should we view the entire portrait? Understanding the intricacies of this matter from the ground is just as important as viewing it holistically…and this is what we must not forget.

The root of the problems we face is not different but it may manifest itself differently across borders. The more we see world issues as our very own no matter how far apart our homes are….the more we will recognize the importance of working together to do our part. Let us put away paranoia, selfishness and skepticism and replace them with faithfulness, love and willingness to reach out for one with hopes of teaching one.

Is our heart’s desire to maintain a world system where it is ok to feed our middle classed homes while the neighbour just across the street is going two days without food or do we envision a world where there is no hunger and food security for all? This may seem utopian but this is not impossible.

I believe that some of the most virtuous values come as reactions that are the consequences of suffering. Maybe if we remember the values we were taught growing up from the ones who were directly oppressed and had no freedom and little will our world would be a happier place.

Speak YOUR truth and understand MY truth in love.

Connecting Girls, Inspiring Futures

“A movement by ourselves but a force when we’re together”

As our mission today focuses on utilizing social networking tools and the liberty given to us to speak out against the ills we face daily with hopes of connecting girls and inspiring futures, we ensure that our ultimate vision is kept alive.

We must recognize that as the theme inherently states, by bridging gaps we inspire each other and in doing so we propel the movement toward a better future for women; in doing this we recognize that the quality of life, consciousness and drive of women all over the world are the determining factors in the shape the future will take.

Furthermore, I implore you to take note that the word “connect”, although we tend to view in this context as a word solely representational of the power of the masses—we must realize that it begins with one. More explicitly, we must bear in mind that within each of us lies the will to powerfully inspire and change our future, the future of your community, your nation, our world. If we all do our duty as women in this universal movement, a better quality of life for all is inevitable.

Our duty begins with understanding who we are and how powerful we are. Through self- empowerment will come the motivation needed to connect and through connection will come enlightenment for one and all.

Each One Reach One; Each One Teach One

Beautiful Baby Blake

Since there is no way that I can truly come to an understanding of where my racist ideologies morphed itself into a malignant growth, that stood there until it was confronted, I will recollect my fondest and most vivid memories to find some answers.

From a very tender age, I was obsessed with dolls—I loved combing their long flowing hair; I loved dressing them up and pretending to go shopping; I loved having love affairs with Ken and switching professions with Barbie. I was a veterinarian, pediatrician, model, actress, ballet dancer, mother and “fashionista”—I was Barbie. But would I be given the chance to become any of these things in the real world? I thought so… after all, whatever Barbie could do, I believed that I too could. Somehow, I could not understand that my colour would act as an impediment in becoming most of what I wanted to be. I didn’t understand how the world worked yet, and even before I did, I had a distorted and dysfunctional view of what it looked like.

I also remember, that in these very juvenescent years, I was lovestruck with the thought of having children. Somehow, I had already pictured what they would all look like and they did not look like me. They did not look like the countenance that my mother always starred at and chanted “ you are beautiful, my angel, so precious.” Where did these images come from and why did I desire to have these things or want these types of children? Where did this nebulous dichotomy of “pretty and fair” and “other and ugly” come from? I did not know that this would mean that I hated who I was. And that cancerous cell continued to grow…

So many things happened in the in betweens. I went to many places, spoke to many people, took many classes, read books, dated and as I started to understand my world and the prisms through which I viewed it— the growth became known and with every lesson learned, with the dimensions of this brain forever stretching… I came to confront that growth and chip away what was there. The racist images that were filled with hate for myself and “othered” peoples all began to melt away—this growth had taken away all senses necessary for living from the beginning—since I was too young to understand them. I thank God that besides external forces, I had a family filled with “othered” people and a support system who praises “othereness.”

I’ve come a long way. I can stand and confidently say that I can see the beauty in any life form and this to me is a blessing from a creator who is good and has made all things good. As a result, my understanding of “Black” is not what is portrayed and spread through the world via media giants. Although I try not to categorize life, people and things by placing limits on them, I identify myself as a Black person—as problematic as it may seem.

“Black” to me is a vast category with many divergent definitions. As time and place changes, its meaning transforms also. For this reason, I do not look down on how other people interpret it, but instead implore them to try to discover why they believe what they do and if its root is faulty they should shed some light on this and transform their thinking.

To me, Black does not necessarily mean the connection to one race solely. Furthermore, being Black does not mean that you are solely or solely acknowledging being of partial or full African heritage. Black to me is mostly an attitude. Many try to connect the ghetto way of life and use this image as something synonymous to blackness. In that same breath, this “Black” attitude is what people who were movers and shakers of our world that we put the spot light on every February, exuded. What people fail to realize is that we all contribute to our image. With that said how have you contributed my brother, and you my sister? How do you add or subtract from the Black voice or the Black attitude?

Being Black to me does not take away from any other ancestory that makes me …me, nor does it mean connecting myself to inferiority. Being Black to me is not accepting what the oppressor has deemed me as—it is the reverse, it is taking back what was stolen and refining it. Being Black to me is being beautiful, powerful, strong, a fighter, a lover, a leader, an intellectual, being who I am and loving who I am…it means being human. My Black is ambiguous, like the name Blake – and it shows just how stupid it is to truly see a multi dimensional entity through a one dimensional prism.

I embrace my baby—Blake, I cherish him for who he is. This baby has replaced that tumor that proved to be detrimental to me and to “othered” peoples everywhere who believe that they have to think, look, speak and feel differently to be “superior”, accepted and better. I cherish my blessing, that is, my vision; I cherish the people who have helped me thus far in shattering fallacies and ridding myself of this growth; they have all helped birth this baby… my beautiful baby… Blake.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love

The Scrub Complex

I’ve heard women say many things about themselves—I’ve heard them claim that, “we are simply complicated, emotional beings, strong, independent, a force, pillars.” Because these same women claim that they stand firm on their belief that they are all these great things…they say that the type of men they decide to court or “give a chance to” is reflective of who they see themselves as. That’s not the problem though… the problem is that I have detected, after much observation, that these same women parade the streets with “low lifes.” How could this be? Are these sisters blind, settling or plain dumb? Today I will like to explore The Scrub Complex.

Initially, what is this complex and how does it come to be? In other words, how does one diagnose this complex and we will end by talking about how it can be alleviated. The scrub complex has surprisingly proliferated, especially in cities like Toronto where good men, who are confident and ready to be men approach women courteously, are a SCARCE resource. In cities of this type women have suddenly taken the place of their male counterparts as the “er” consequently making men the "ee." More explicitly, women are no longer the pursuee but the pursuer, the payer in all or most cases, the “holder” of the ball! To add to this drastic change in dating “protocol” we find men brazen enough to ask if the woman would desire to be the “proposer.” The most confusing and contradictory addition to this is that they want to be respected as “the man” and treatedas the head of the home! Ludicrous right?

Yes! It is in these places where we find women who are willing to lower their standards, do the unthinkable and marry or give chances to people who they know are incompatible in so many ways with them. Sisters are going against what grandmothers, mothers and aunts have been warning against…they are now saying “yes” to scrubs and enabling, reinforcing and propelling this sickness! They say it’s “ok for me to pay for his car to be fixed, it is my job to give him lunch money, it is my duty to pay when we go to dinner because I want him to see me as a strong, independent sister who can take care of her own.” My question is: when did “his own” become your own? What ever happened to “us” “our” and “we”?

The diagnosis: do you know you can do better than the person you have presently put yourself with after swimming through the rough waters of pursuing him? Are you sinking deeper into debt after the commencement of your relationship? Are you with your partner because you are just ready for a child and he seems to want the same things too? Have you convinced yourself that you must take on the role of “er” to be respected and loved and seen as a mutually benefitting individual with equal say in your union? Are you burnt out because you seem to not only hold “the ball” but you own the court, make the rules, make the effort, and feel like at the end of it all… you’re playing all by yourself? Then it’s clearer that you have fallen victim to the “Scrub Complex.”

However, don’t be afraid, there is a way out for you. The first step is severing ties from your scrub and with that knowing that it is not your duty to change him or force him to be someone he is not. After this, it’s important thatyou write down or meditate on who you see yourself with and what you want in life. It’s also imperative that you are realistic with your standards. After you have done this, let it “marinate” and sink deep into you cerebellum! Once you know what this person looks like…wait and don’t you settle. Trust me, you will know when he arrives! Who knows, maybe not just one person fitting the criteria will come along but many!

Lastly, I think it is important that I make my readers understand that there is a difference between “catering to” your man and “spoon feeding” your man. Catering is great and necessary in any lasting relationship—you must show your partner you would go out of your way to show them the dept of your love and many times these things are very little things that can make a big difference (like surprising him at his lunch break for a quickie before he gets back to the tedious routines of office work). However, “catering to” your man is in no way “spoon feeding” you man—which is doing everything for him which can inevitably “stunt” his growth in your relationship.

Ladies… you do deserve better and you know it!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love…