So I remember some time ago I wrote about M.I.S and in that piece I spoke about how unhealthy it is to resort to the lyrics of Beyonce's “Irreplaceable” every time you and your significant other meet at the crossroads. Well, today I want to talk about a personal experience that led me to sing this song.
Essentially, it is important to distinguish between someone worth working with, worth appreciating and someone who should not be replaced with someone you need to forget. With that said, I am going to start and end with my girl Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable,” it’s so perfect and I must say I see it from a whole different perspective now.
LINES….
There are many things that you must draw lines between. Initially we must distinguish between the boy or girl and the man or woman. Following this, separating a mutually beneficial bond from a parasitic and one-sided symbiotic relationship, more explicitly and simplistically; we must separate the user from the abuser. Furthermore, love that returns to you in bountiful amounts and the ones that return void, those who run towards commitment and the ones who run away from commitment. The ones who find solace in you and the ones who find solace in girlfriends or boyfriends who only know the one sided story. The liars from the truth tellers—the genuine ones from the phony ones. The list can go on people but ultimately these lines all lead to one conclusion:
They tell us how to determine if our partners are WORTH SECOND, THIRD AND FOURTH CHANCES or in NEED TO HIT THE ROAD NEED TO BE REPLACED ....in a minute (According to Beyonce).
The real question is however: how do you tell, how do you know the difference? Sometimes, the answer may come plain and simple to you. The answer may be time, experience and prayer. However, this piece is dedicated to the men and women out there who are with smart, calculated, systematic partners; the tricky ones, the first of their kind, the Genesises out there.
To draw the line, simply ask your partner some questions pertaining to these situations and it will become very clear.
“standing in the front yard telling me how I’m such a fool….” Hey! Only a boy calls a woman who bought him a jaguar with HER name on it a fool. I boy can’t buy his own car or need to live in his woman’s house.
How to draw the line between a man and a boy:
A boy (or girl) is about adventure, about stagnation. He or she is about learning about himself. He or she leans on you and or friends for support. He or she does not know what he wants in life. A boy or girl cheats and lies because he is curious and desires to see the consequences of doing wrong. A boy or girl cannot keep promises. He or she is immature.
A man (or woman) is driven, ambitious and not only talks about this but initiates different activities that lead to the fulfillment of his or her goals. If he or she does something, he or she often knows why he or she did it. A man or woman can tell you how he feels whenever necessary-- it may be simplistic and dry, but at the end of the day he said it. HE OR SHE CONFRONTS SITUATIONS.
How to draw the line between a user and abuser?
This one is simple yet so complex. When I say user I mean those who use you for love care and other necessities mutually. However, unlike mutually beneficial bonds, science teaches that parasitic relationships lead to the death of the stronger. Most parasites are smaller than their hosts, weaker and need the host to survive. Parasites like ticks live through hosts, the host eventually dies if the parasite is not killed or transferred to someone else. Interesting huh? Yeah, science rocks!
You see, if you are the only one trying to make things work, holding on to the threads that hold a relationship, trying to find solutions to relationship problems all on your own, if you feel drained physically and mentally....
IT'S BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER IS A BLOOD SUCKING PARASITE and if you don't get rid of him or her....you will die.
Bountiful or Void?
This is probably the most important line that must be drawn. However there is very little to say. If the love you receive from your partner is growing and blossoming it is the bountiful type of love. On the other hand, the love that returns to you void is that which is stagnant, fragile and empty. In essence, this is not love; it is a disguise a façade.
For Commitment or Against?
If you are looking for a mate to settle down with and to build a family with then you most definitely will need someone who is not afraid of committing. Commitment is a symbol of his or her responsibility, maturity, “readiness” for something significant in his or her life and his or her confidence in herself or himself. It's no surprise then that inability to commit is something that can destroy a relationship as it hampers progress. If he or she is against or runs away from commitment….you need to run in the next direction. Save yourself the effort and time now because no matter how many years you are with him or her…on and off, truth is, he or she is not going to commit…EVER (unless something miraculous happens and Jesus comes down from heaven and makes some changes).
Where does he rest his head?
About the “head” thing, no pun intended. What I mean is, you need to pay attention to where your partner finds solace, peace of mind and comfort. If you partner is always with their friends (worse if they are the opposite sex) ad not you, that’s A NO NO! I have experienced this myself, however, my main reason for saying this is because I think that this is an opening for jealousy and many other evils that corrupt relationships. If this is a problem in your relationship, talk to your partner, after two times…..you need to bounce. Clearly he or she does not need you…you are an option.
Liar liar?
If he or she is a liar and you cannot tell what’s genuine from the fake then you need to leave. If your relationship is built on lies then it is like the structure the dumb architect constructed on the sand that will blow away and crumble with any passing wind. A genuine man is not afraid to say the truth even if it may hurt. If it is something that will hurt then he will definitely know that tact and tone is important when he is trying to convey an important message. Truth is the foundation on which any lasting union is built; it’s like the rock upon which the smart architect built his structure—a building that will stand no matter how tumultuous the storm.
In conclusion, it is important that we make these distinctions so that we can conserve our time and use it wisely. Why waste time with someone who is not worth it? Lines are important. Like my girl B said, “so don’t you ever for a second get to thinking…you’re irreplaceable.” Hello ladies and gents, if your partner is not on the right side of the LINE he is not irreplaceable!
Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.
