Apartments, Houses and Homes pt 2 (from courting to marriage)

Yes! My expectations changed…again! I wanted a condominium now! Soon I was living in one that I was not paying for and I had all the amenities I needed but I was still unhappy. I wanted something of my own, that I paid for, that made me happy. In the condominium I thought I had a home, but it was not even a house. Instead, this condo was a pretty, flashy apartment that DIDN'T EVEN BELONG TO ME. Yes, I kept moving, I kept learning, and my expectations kept changing.

With every change I was learning something new, something to expect, or not expect. It was not five months into living at the condo that I found my new place that I’m still at. It was all I expected and I needed. My apartment is spacious, I have a walk in closet, kitchen, Jacuzzi and more! I love it and the price is right! I am content. However, I have roommates. Who knows if that one flaw about my new apartment may lead to a different circumstance and new expectations?

Just recently I was thinking about my journey from one apartment to the other. It was in that pensive moment that I realized that this one will have it’s expiration date and soon I will need a house.

You see I learned not to have too many expectations about an apartment and not too little—it’s about what makes me happy in the moment. If the apartment is to be, it will be. Furthermore, if it is something that should have a 2 year lease instead of 1 year, you will know. However, if this place is taking too much out of you, it doesn’t fit you! Let it go!!

Although I sit here, happy in my new place I know I will soon have to move on, yet, I know the time has not come. I’ve realized when it is time to break a lease and when it is necessary to settle for some time through it. However, for now, it’s all about apartments and what suits my life as a young, adventurous student……soon when the time is right the house will come.

Things to Note

On Apartments:

Never expect an apartment to be a house and never expect a house to be a home.

Too many times we expect our little run down apartment to live up to the same expectations we have in our search for a house and home.

Maybe you were taken to that apartment for a reason: probably you were placed in the landlord’s life to help him or her out through a particular situation but that doesn’t mean you should settle.

With that said, you need to be aware of when you should break the lease.

If your apartment is lacking certain necessities and your parents and family advise you that those factors that it is lacking is needed, then listen to them! They’ve probably been apartment searching for a long time, moved on to house searching and most probably built a home—they are wise and they know best!

Listen to the voice within when it tells you it’s time to move on from an apartment to investing your time and money into a house where you will make yourself a home.

On Houses

If you just can’t seem to find what you're looking for and you are not settling till you find the right house; if you’re tired of apartments and you know you’re ready for a house and it’s just not coming,

Try different listings: You may be looking in all the wrong places

If you’re sure you have the right listings and you’re still at your parents' house (square one) maybe you need to stop looking, start praying!

Also, for those who never had an apartment and you’re still living with your parents (at square one) keep in mind that some people need not go through the apartment stage before owning a house!

Please make sure you know if your house is not a home. If you have a house and you keep working hard to make it a home and it doesn’t work, maybe you need to find out why your work is futile. If the work is one sided, maybe you need to allow someone else to live there—let go because not all houses can be homes. Your home will come! Never settle especially if staying with that house is costing you a lot!

On Homes

A home goes beyond walls and windows. As the saying goes: home is where the heart is. A home is more than just what the eyes can see and the inanimate objects that make a house. A home takes sacrifice, love and lots of hard work to build. Furthermore, it takes the dedication of two people, not one.

Having a home is not by chance. If you know your house is not a house but a home, appreciate it! Not everyone will have the joys you have found, so be happy that you were blessed with one.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

Apartments, Houses and Homes pt 1 (from courting to marriage...)

Life is about stages—getting through them, over them, past them. John Stuart Mill, an English philosopher, who talks about the metamorphosis of the state explains that the state is much like an individual. Mill expounds on his belief that just like man has a series of stages to pass through from infancy to adulthood, so too does the state. His book On liberty further explains that for the sake of the state, limitations on liberty change—the rules a parent lays down for a child is not the same they would for their 21 year old. Mill also explains that there are indications that a state or person has become mature enough where circumstances, goals and limits on liberty change also. Today I want to talk about the stage where a young person is ready to look for his or her new apartment. I want to give some advice on what to look out for and what to look forward to—I WANT TO TALK ABOUT EXPECTATIONS.

Initially it must be noted that age does not indicate maturity or immaturity but instead mental capacity determines maturity. For me, my apartment search started at a very young age. Circumstances came where it was time for me to start my life anew and I was placed in a situation where I had to make my own choices about “apartments, houses and homes.” I had so many expectations, yet all I wanted was contentment: nothing too flashy or exorbitant—after all I am a student!

My first apartment was amazing… in my eyes. My friend told me it was a good find. To me, this place was the cutest, coziest apartment I could ever come across. On the other hand, my aunt thought it was a bad idea and I shouldn’t settle. Instead I agreed to rent it and I thought my search was over.

My mom came to see me and from the time she saw it, she was appalled (hahaha). Oh, yeah…I forgot to mention that this apartment lacked some serious necessities. Yes, it was just enough space, brand new, well painted and comfortable enough to put the mind at ease and make any girl content,but, it lacked a full kitchen! My mom looked at it in horror and said, “well if you like it, that’s most important but how are you going to cook, will you live on junk forever?” I closed my eyes and thought of all the good times I had with my apartment, quickly opened my eyes again and said “yes mom, I’m content and I will make do.”

Circumstances changed again and I had found my other half! Soon my apartment became dull as she took the new spot of number one priority in my life. I wasn’t spending time at the apartment; instead, I was out having fun with my new best friend. Soon, settling with my apartment was not such a good idea. Before, I was so content with what it had that it out weighed what it lacked but now, I wanted something better! After getting my joy from elsewhere the flaws of my place was all I could think of and I wanted something better.

With new circumstances came new expectations. My other half decided that I should move in with her. Her place was funky, cool, clean and it had a full kitchen-- it had all that my old place lacked. She showed me the place and I fell in love! We had an amazing summer together! The apartment was perfect for partying and entertaining. It is no surprise that at that phase of my life I began losing myself. The apartment started changing me. However, the glam didn't last for long. Soon, the music, the alcohol, the fun withered and I started seeing the place for what it was. Soon I realized the place was infested with mice, soon the once funky place was now murky and sullen. Soon my other half became some who resented me and who I began to abhor and..... I had to leave.