Get in the MIDDLE when you're stuck in the MIDDLE: Finding Balance

The bible says in Hosea 4:6 that God’s people will perish for lack of knowledge. Yes, Jesus was talking about his church but this can also be seen daily while we journey through life. However, my question is do you perish when you have the knowledge but you lack wisdom? I know some of you are thinking at this very moment how could that even be possible; knowledge and wisdom go together.

However, one day a very wise person told me that "knowledge without wisdom is ever present in our day and age and we know it’s there because humanity has so many ways of pointing to the problems but lack a practical solution." With that said, today I want to talk about this very same notion except we’re not talking about rocket science, geology or physics, today I want to talk about the possibility of your body languishing because of blindness in your relationship. Furthermore, I want to talk about how you can risk the chance of “perishing” when you have all the causes but no solution—knowledge without wisdom.

Have you ever been in a relationship that is forbidden by your family or close friends; a relationship where people make known to you all the flaws of the person you look to for help, strength and love and you just don’t seem to see what everyone else is seeing? Instead, your emotions have led you to overlook their imperfections and just love the person that you think they are. Then come the boldness—when confronted with striking news and evidence, your love for that person makes you a brazen defender for him or her and you are ready to attack any person who says a bad word about that person you love so dearly. Evidently, your blindness has hindered you from gaining knowledge and your “death” awaits you around the corner.

Have you ever been in a relationship that you were not in denial about; you were once blind but life has led you to a place with a loved one where you know that he or she is not a positive influence in your life? Have you ever been so deep in love with a person that you know you are not supposed to be with? Has the pity and self –sacrificing type of love ever overwhelmed your life that you were unable to free yourself from a burden or a parasite? You want to leave, you have to leave but you don’t know how to leave? It is clear here that you have knowledge and no wisdom.

These cases seem too familiar to me and I’m sure you can relate to one of these or both of these. The real question however is not if you’ve been there and done that but how do you protect yourself from such detrimental situations? How do we love and still be aware of what stands right in front of our faces? How do we love without pity and do what’s best for us?

These situations involve two main elements that affect our existence: the heart and the mind. In cases like the first situation it is clear as day that this individual has allowed emotions (the heart) to control her. I see “blindness” connected to the nervous system of which the mind is connected to. Blindness is therefore a reflection of some problem within this system; and this is the same problem in relationships! When you are blindly in love it’s because you are not using your mind, you have allowed emotions to hinder the proper functioning of your “central nervous system”.

Furthermore, in case two it is clear that both heart and mind are involved yet the heart is still the element that has most control of the individual's actions! It is evident now that the solution in both cases is finding equilibrium. A balance in decision making between the heart and mind is essential in relationships. If we love blindly or allow emotions to have more precedence than the mind we are in for a lot hurt and pain. How do we find that balance (finding the solution to the solution) is where I’m at now and hopefully that too will come!

Finally, we must realize that “death” will come eventually, no matter what we do; however, living life and enjoying relationships to the fullest depends on how well we make decisions. Pain is inevitable when we love. However, "death" and suffering is not necessary and making “balanced” decisions by using both our mind and heart will prevent us from having an early “death” or having to suffer for years. YES! This is only half of the solution but I pray that as you apply this to your life and relationships you find part two on you own.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

The Philosopher's Curse

Today I have so many thoughts afloat the waters of my mind. For this reason I’ve decided to yield to my pen before my thoughts get the best of me.

Today I pose one of my thoughts in the form of a question. Why does the body of the enriched mind remain impoverished to the point that he is on the verge of death? Furthermore, I also urge you to think on this: why does the body, soul and mind of contemporary man have a high probability of early degeneration when so many philosophers before us have shown us different ways to keep the mind, body and soul alive in a world full of uncertainty?

On the first question I shall now expound further. Why is it that many of these same individuals that have rich thoughts die alone or in asylums, fall into severe depression or become suicidal? It is because the philosopher’s blessing is also his curse.

On a smaller scale, imagine the teacher, writer, interpreter of love; the girl who spends time trying to understand this abstract thing, spending time interpreting different ways it is shown, the one who preaches about discerning the mates worth holding on to from those who are not worth anything. You turn to this girl for answers, for counsel and at the end you walk away reassured that she KNOWS.

But in fact when life requires that the teacher knows, that she solves a tricky equation that she is supposed to know… she does not seem to know. Why is the teacher in the dark in the world that she herself has brought light to? You may say that the teacher is human and for that reason uncertainty is common and explainable. However, the reason why she is supposed to know is for that very same reason; it is because she is human like you and therefore she has acquired the skills and knowledge to teach.

This brings us back to the curse! It is her knowing that is her curse! It is the ideology that she must always see beneath the surface, interpret that... beneath the surface; it is because she has trained herself to see not only with her eyes but with her ears, hands and heart that brings her to her falling. Furthermore, the idea that there is always something to figure out that will keep her body cold at night and her house lonely and no where close to becoming a home.

The teacher has fallen into the snares of choosing between one school over another; deontology or consequentialism? She has lost herself in her questions and in her fight to find one answer. She is wrapped in defending theory and preaching theory so much that she has forgotten that in practice there will be anomalies and sometimes her theory is not the best choice.

“Should I leave or should I stay? Is he worth the time? Is he interested? Why do I feel how I feel at this point that I am feeling it?” asks the so called teacher to herself.

Will this be the end of her? Will this point only be the beginning of her degeneration? Will she go crazy like Rousseau or Mill? Well I say there is a way out of this hole for her! A good end will only come if she makes her philosophy open to change. Her happy ending will depend on how well she is able to face practice—for the theories are there but what good is it if you know the truth, preach it but not live it especially when anomaly comes? She must arise then and find a new approach instead of sinking in traditional values.

I implore you now whoever you are, friend, lover or student of a philosopher or teacher... to understand his or her weakness and that you ward off the thoughts that he or she is a hypocrite. After all, what good is it to despise or make a mockery of someone’s weakness when you too are weak? Also, love your teacher, learn and refute, debate and find other approaches to his or her theories and promise that you will at some moment become the teacher. For in that way you will not be like previous generations that never understood the philosophers who walked before they did and suffered in mind, body and soul because of their inability to learn!

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love.

The "L" word PT III

I tried so hard to find a subtitle for this one, but all my attempts were futile. Today I will attempt to continue the sequel. Initially, I must ask this question: How can something so refreshing, breath taking, bubbly, sensuous, unbelievably amazing leave you desolate and broken; how can it leave you searching? I am not going to talk about experiences today like I did in the past two entries on the "L" word; instead, I will try to illustrate best I can, one of its negative consequences and simultaneously plunge head first into this issue with hopes of finding its root.

Before I go on, I would like to add a poem written by a little girl who was deeply in love, a little girl whose story was far from simple. You see, this girl was the product of the "negative consequences of that "L" word; she was brought forth by a woman who felt desolate and was BROKEN. Although she was raised in love, this little girl yearned for that thing called love and like a rainbow she came as a sign that love could survive and it will be present even after the storms of life.

Though she brought love, embodied it and lived for it, she herself felt broken even before her first shot at the relationship game. It was from her big, broken heart that she wrote this poem to her first love, and it is only now that it is evident to me that how she was brought into the world may have been the root of her brokenness.

Furthermore, because she was unaware of the reason for her sadness or feelings of emptiness she let her fragile, empty, ignorant and gullible heart lead her. It is no surprise that her choices were flawed and problematic and from her first relationship it was clear to see that she might be at risk of bringing forth a broken child, another rainbow child, another love child filled with patches of nothingness.

As she grew she began building a foundation of values, notions, mores and ideologies about romance that was inevitably shaky from inception. It was this foundation that not only her first relationship but the ones to follow would be built on. A foundation that would lead to many unhappy endings, tears, constant brokenness, hurt and pain.

Here are the words, from her little mouth, open mind and fragile heart:

My Heart

I close my eyes and then I see straight through my heart
It's scarred and broken in many places, with many voids. 
Yes! Many spaces, and no matter what I do to push you away, in the mid of my heart you find a place. There, in the midst you bring me happiness.

 Though I must admit that some scars my love, were done by you, but you mended the parts that were broken in two.
Even when I did you wrong, the love you had for me kept us going strong. 
And though my heart till this day is heavy, weak and tattered, having you in there is all that mattered….having you there is all that matters! 

In the middle…. you're fixing my heart as time goes by and when I need
support its on you I rely. Though your words at times make me ponder …thoughts of you make my heart grow
fonder. Your words SUMTIMES STAB ME straight through, and it leaves bloody trails 
and my being, my entire being pale and blue. 
Yet still u bring me 2 life…you keep me going, and its because  my love for you and yours for me is growing. 

I wish we could stop our fights they make me blue! 
I wish you could stop wondering if I'm the right one for you 
Because to me it's clear to see, that you and me are meant 2 be.


Cute? At first....yes.... when you think about the words... DANGER ALERT!

Relationships leave you broken sometimes. The most dangerous however, are the results that come when a person goes into a relationship with a broken heart and comes out of it even more BROKEN. Today, I have no advice, after all, life will go on, hearts will continue to be broken and people will continue to initiate "bonds" ...READY OR NOT. 

However, I challenge you today to think back to your "first love" and rediscover some of the things that may have laid the foundation that all your other relationships were built on. Ask yourself what problems you have and how they may have come into existence. 

Some of the problems may be evident and it's up to you now to find a way to resolve them. If you rather not fix it because you desire temporary happiness from a relationship that you know is not good for you than lasting happiness when you actually pull away and fix your problems.... so you can be whole again it's up to you. The ball is now in your court. 

P.S This little girl grew into a young woman who continually fell into the arms of young men who showed love but in the most uncaring ways. The young girl grew into a woman who found love in the arms of a man who was mentally and emotionally abusive. Will she produce brokenness also??? Will you produce brokenness also? Truth is, your seed is at risk!

THE CYCLE WILL NEVER BE BROKEN IF YOU DON'T PUT YOUR MIND, HEART AND FEET TO THE TEST AND BREAK IT and stand firm by your decision.... or else it will go on and on and on, never ending, never changing and for "true love" you will be forever SEARCHING. 

Today, I remember a love that has left me fragile and broken ever since she left me. A love that I cannot yet replace....a love that I may never know again. Love that will live forever and a love that I can't explain no matter how many words I use. To my sister, my best friend forever... Daniella Reid. I remember her today and always.

Speak the truth and accept the truth in love....