I’ve heard women say many things about themselves—I’ve heard them claim that, “we are simply complicated, emotional beings, strong, independent, a force, pillars.” Because these same women claim that they stand firm on their belief that they are all these great things…they say that the type of men they decide to court or “give a chance to” is reflective of who they see themselves as. That’s not the problem though… the problem is that I have detected, after much observation, that these same women parade the streets with “low lifes.” How could this be? Are these sisters blind, settling or plain dumb? Today I will like to explore The Scrub Complex.
Initially, what is this complex and how does it come to be? In other words, how does one diagnose this complex and we will end by talking about how it can be alleviated. The scrub complex has surprisingly proliferated, especially in cities like Toronto where good men, who are confident and ready to be men approach women courteously, are a SCARCE resource. In cities of this type women have suddenly taken the place of their male counterparts as the “er” consequently making men the "ee." More explicitly, women are no longer the pursuee but the pursuer, the payer in all or most cases, the “holder” of the ball! To add to this drastic change in dating “protocol” we find men brazen enough to ask if the woman would desire to be the “proposer.” The most confusing and contradictory addition to this is that they want to be respected as “the man” and treatedas the head of the home! Ludicrous right?
Yes! It is in these places where we find women who are willing to lower their standards, do the unthinkable and marry or give chances to people who they know are incompatible in so many ways with them. Sisters are going against what grandmothers, mothers and aunts have been warning against…they are now saying “yes” to scrubs and enabling, reinforcing and propelling this sickness! They say it’s “ok for me to pay for his car to be fixed, it is my job to give him lunch money, it is my duty to pay when we go to dinner because I want him to see me as a strong, independent sister who can take care of her own.” My question is: when did “his own” become your own? What ever happened to “us” “our” and “we”?
The diagnosis: do you know you can do better than the person you have presently put yourself with after swimming through the rough waters of pursuing him? Are you sinking deeper into debt after the commencement of your relationship? Are you with your partner because you are just ready for a child and he seems to want the same things too? Have you convinced yourself that you must take on the role of “er” to be respected and loved and seen as a mutually benefitting individual with equal say in your union? Are you burnt out because you seem to not only hold “the ball” but you own the court, make the rules, make the effort, and feel like at the end of it all… you’re playing all by yourself? Then it’s clearer that you have fallen victim to the “Scrub Complex.”
However, don’t be afraid, there is a way out for you. The first step is severing ties from your scrub and with that knowing that it is not your duty to change him or force him to be someone he is not. After this, it’s important thatyou write down or meditate on who you see yourself with and what you want in life. It’s also imperative that you are realistic with your standards. After you have done this, let it “marinate” and sink deep into you cerebellum! Once you know what this person looks like…wait and don’t you settle. Trust me, you will know when he arrives! Who knows, maybe not just one person fitting the criteria will come along but many!
Lastly, I think it is important that I make my readers understand that there is a difference between “catering to” your man and “spoon feeding” your man. Catering is great and necessary in any lasting relationship—you must show your partner you would go out of your way to show them the dept of your love and many times these things are very little things that can make a big difference (like surprising him at his lunch break for a quickie before he gets back to the tedious routines of office work). However, “catering to” your man is in no way “spoon feeding” you man—which is doing everything for him which can inevitably “stunt” his growth in your relationship.
Ladies… you do deserve better and you know it!
Speak the truth and accept the truth in love…