Dsyfunctionality- Thinking like "Women" Acting like "Men"...whatever that means...

The Black Death pt. 1

"The Sprint to the Light....and the Jog Back to Chains"

I hate the fact that people blame the “black feminist movement” for broken black marriages where black women are successful and powerful partners today. 

In my daily internet browsing session I came across a video called “Why successful black women can’t find black men” and I was urged to skim the responses posted under the video. Almost instantaneously, I was disgusted by the remarks, clear misunderstanding and altogether ignorance of the people who received gestures of agreement by other spectators. 

I am not in total disagreement with the belief that some black women have misunderstood what independence means-- Steve Harvey would say they are acting like men (when you scrutinize their social roles) and thinking like women (trapped in a 1960's black romance novel). Rather, maybe as time has evolved women too must evolve as words like independence are fluid— nothing in this world is static; even the word “change” is mutable.

Most notably, circumstances are culpable for molding character, something that is  inherently malleable. What am I saying? People must educate themselves, open their eyes and seek deeper reasons for legacies that persist in our societies.

I know of many successful black women who have found men and are married (some happy and some very unhappy). For the unhappy many, I have observed that some financially secure women who have partners that are not as stable grow weary as the stark imbalances and incompatibility (intellectually and financially) become more pronounced as time goes by living under the same roof.

This leads me to a greater question: why do successful black women settle? I am in no way implying that women are superior, but instead I am asserting that so far… the women I have come across in my very short journey who are in unhappy ,parasitic relationships have men who need to uplift themselves. Instead of looking to their successful female counterparts and shunning them because of their achievements, maybe they should shake off the idle spirit of stagnation and aim towards limitless progress.

I have been blessed to be in a family that has made tertiary education imperative and in no way a choice. As a result I stand among men in my family who are lawyers, engineers, professors at Ivy league schools, mechanics who know how to carry the burden of providing for a family, faithful doctors and businessmen married to equally successful black women. My point? Maybe we need to recognize how much circumstances are to blame for many societal issues.

Ultimately, marriage and long term relationships should be wholesome and equitable. This means that the two parties must be balanced in all aspects or near balance. Weigh it ladies and gentlemen or WAIT! 

In conclusion, maybe the imbalance in black relationships and the inability of black women who have achieved high acclaims and accolades to find men they are compatible with  is two fold. You see this problem is not the consequence of “the black feminist movement” or any feminist movement for that matter. Rather, it marks the stagnation of many of our people mentally.

Black men: “step your academic game.” Male marginalization theory my ass! Black women, open your eyes and try to understand our men. If we are to progress together, we need to work together and understand each other instead of assuming and judging each other based on flawed arguments.  I am tired of the antediluvian arguments that place all blame on feminism and the black woman. STOP….think… rethink… then act! 

Maybe your thinking process should start with this question: what is feminism?

I can start answering for you. Although there are many types, phases and or waves of feminism with divergent visions, all movements aim to achieve social justice for women— these groups have recognized the continued subordination of women and how we are unfairly treated and so they fight for legal provisions among other necessities to level the playing field. 

Leveling the playing field does not mean that we should totally forget or pretend that we are different-- the truth is we are all distinct. Therefore justice means that we must carefully analyse the picture and smoothen the creases...clear up the loopholes. Now… tell me… what is so wrong with feminism if you are not chauvinistic and sexist?