Genesis was...well... Genesis, except he came after the exodus (lol). He walked into my life at the point where things seemed new and fresh; and although he seemed to complement me and to be all that I imagined my perfect match would be, it was not yet the time to unite. Genesis was plagued with tormenting issues from his past lifestyle that affected his present. These issues proved to be too much to ignore; he needed to face them, cross over them and walk away without looking in the rear view.
The truth is, before our relationship could mature or blossom into something beautiful we needed to deal with ourselves. Although I knew this, I ignored these facts and sought to find and revive emotion....life into Genesis. Soon, he seemed to be back on his feet but it was then that I realized that in assisting him, some weird but expected transference had taken place and soon I was the one who needed help. Days came where I seemed too dreary to wake up for class, too tired to listen to anyone-- I was drained mentally and emotionally. This type of love is the most dangerous type of love. The type where you allow yourself to be a sacrifice, the type where you allow yourself to be drained to fill someone else's cup up. The selfless type, the most deadly type of love.
Luckily Genesis was good at heart and he reached out his hand to me when I needed it most. Imagine if he had drained me and left me in my state of emptiness without remorse. It is important to realize that although selfishness is not right, complete and continual selflessness is not either. It is important that we realize that moderation is key especially when we want to give of ourselves.
In closing, the most important lesson that we must take from all this is that in all these draining, depressing, enlightening experiences we recognize that WE MUST ALWAYS EXTRACT A MESSAGE FROM THE MESS! If we do not learn from our experiences we will continue to find ourselves in the same predicaments. In order to progress learning is necessary!
Speak and accept the truth in love.
The first thing that came to my mind when I read your blog, was what Jessica (from the MTV Television show, Daddy's Girls) said in an episode. Sitting at a cafe with her friend Alyssa, who was expressing her lack of control over her reignited love for an ex, Jessica said something along the lines of..."despite the fact that your heart feels something, it has no mind. So follow your head, cause your heart is kind of dumb". That quote has never had more meaning until right now. Often sending contradictory messages, the battle between the mind and the heart is one that so many of us face, either male or female. In reading this post my favorite part was the end where you remind each of us that at the end of the day it is important for us to look back and ensure that we have learnt something from our experiences in life. Otherwise, those experience are meaningless. I once had a Genesis in my life, and yes, I too feel victim to a sacrificial type of love. Except, it was not only that we were two half empty cups, it was that the other person did not even want water in their cup, and here I was trying to fill it up. In the end, I realized that no matter how much you want to help someone, they need to want to be helped.
ReplyDeleteYour blog, is very personal to me in so many ways, and I am sure several others will feel the same way. Love is something that is really hard to explain/ comprehend. It is not something we can talk about, its just something we feel, and like faith sometimes we just have to believe that what's inside us is strong enough to carry us through.
Keep it real Jem...we love ya
Hmmm well keep on sharing ur thoughts and i ll continue to be inspired to keep it real.
ReplyDeleteive had many discussions about the heart mind debate and i definitely hear u out n jessica...lol. So yes learning is key and well hopefully in time and with experience we will find love....if we havent already ;)
WoW...this is amazing Jemmimah. I think you may have just captivated the experience of most women out there today. For me, I can relate totally with Genesis guy. I gave so much of myself to the point where I couldn't even recognize myself anymore and love turned into pity very quickly. Funny how we learn soooo much about ourselves being in a relationship and in spite of how it turns out, we come away with a self-awareness or self-consciousness that allows us to be more prepared next time (although you can never be fully prepared for love at times, that's the scary part). Keep blogging! Definitely thought-provoking!
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