The "L" Word...PT.1

Like in magazines or newspaper columns I am going to change the names of each person that I am going to refer to in this piece. This piece is 100% raw; real life experiences and I am not writing this to be pitied or to bash anyone. Disclaimer?? Nah!

The most difficult thing is to truly put thought into writing. Furthermore, it is hard to put something abstract into words. How then do I begin to talk about love? Talking about love is like talking about something that is paradoxical in nature or an oxymoron to someone that never experienced or witnessed the two things you are juxtaposing. Explaining love is like explaining faith; it is like suggesting why you believe in God to an unbeliever. I know that by now many who have experienced love know exactly what I mean--at this point you concur.

With that said, I am not going to attempt to explain what that entity, that abstract and mind boggling thing called love is, but instead, share some experiences that I've had with that thing. I've realized that I've been exposed to so many types of love in my short life. Today, I'm going to talk about romance- man to woman type of love.

My first real encounter was with Stanley. My first encounter was at a very tender age, a time when I was told that how I felt was not love; I was too young, too ignorant and naive to know exactly what love was. On the contrary, to this day I know that it was love- deep, soul to soul type love, tender, teary eyed nights type love, rejuvenating....deep breath of fresh air type of love, genuine type love. However, the problem was evident from the second year when times changed, so did my partner and circumstances did not make things better. Our relationship worsened by the hour, the minute and the second.

Yet, I loved him when I found out that instead of being on a break with me he was seeing someone else at his school. I thought about him constantly, longed to be with him to share my thoughts with him even when he had raised his voice at me 5 minutes before. I cared for him and I'd do whatever he desired even after he said hurtful things or refused to open up to me.This type of love I labeled as unconditional type of love.

Then came someone completely different. John was sweet and tender and loving. He was too sweet, too loving, too soft. He was the naive type that constantly needed attention and love. John was the youngest in a small family where he was given all the affection he wanted and still...he needed more from me and I could never give him enough; nothing I gave could suffice. I loved him even when he nagged, I loved him when he seemed weak, I loved him when he cried, I loved him so much that I was scared to break up with him even though I knew we were not meant to be. And as he cried, I too cried and in the end I concluded that the type of love I had for John was the pity type of love. A deadly type of love, but not the deadliest of them all.

After John was Peter. Peter was my friend and our friendship bloomed into a rose of a romance that was short lived and died. Like a dead rose, when it died, so too did the friendship. The vision of that beautiful blooming rose disappeared forever once it expired. Peter and I had a very verbally abusive relationship. I loved him more when he used profanity, I was attached more when he got angry, when he acted strange when he kicked a fuss. I fell deeper in love when we were confronted about why we were together because we were from different worlds. We pretended to fight the good fight and tried to defend our unconventional union; a union that in our day and time should be conventional.

And yet, it was that very minute difference that was that immense difference that had separated us--we were from two very different worlds that were incompatible. This love I call the "abused wife syndrome " type of love (AWS). AWS is one of the worse types of love. The type of love that a battered wife has for her husband. The type of love that keeps you in that abusive union although you know you're being hurt consistently and although deep down in your state of denial...you know you deserve better. This is probably one of the worse types of love and whomever you be: man, woman, girl or boy....beware!

Then came Genesis. This type of love was nothing like the others. However, it was very early in the romance when I realized that this type of love might be the most dangerous types of love of them all. It's like the union of two empty cups that cannot assist the other in the "filling up" process because they were both almost empty.............

STAY TUNED FOR PART II

Until then....

speak and accept the truth in love.