M.I.S

Now this blog is specially for my ladies. Guys, this is not one of those extremely biased Feminist based entries that will make you cringe on reading it-- I invite you to read it too, after all, you may be enlightened and finally understand some things you never ventured to discover about your significant other.

Initially, I want to say that for me this issue, another "syndrome" that women suffer from, is because of my complete lack of trust for people. However, this entry's aim is not to resolve this trust issue or to detect why I have become so untrusting. Instead, I invite you to find out the root of your syndrome and your symptoms of M.I.S so that you can treat it and get rid of it!

By now you must be asking yourself what I might be referring to and probably some random thoughts have been ushered into your mind. Like an inquisitive child you are sitting anxiously at your computer asking yourself "why is this entry three paragraphs in and I STILL don't know what Jem is talking about?!" haha. Well here I go....

M.I.S or Miss Independent Syndrome is yet another syndrome that women and their partners continually face today. Before I go on I must give a little introduction about this syndrome and how it has found it's way to the top "syndromes" women are in a constant battle with.

Saying that one of the most oppressed groups over the past century or so has been women is an understatement. Anglo Saxon, African, Caribbean, Muslim, whatever the sub group, we have been tried and tested by an extremely discriminatory system. This system we live in is corrupt: it is chauvinistic, it is controlled by men and places their interest before women's. Furthermore, this system does not treasure the sameness and difference between the two sexes; one that confines the woman to the home, one that claims that we are not as strong as, as intellectually capable, as competent as men and this system is culpable for the emergence of this syndrome.

To add, because of this system, women have taken on the fight to attain equity that they deserve and are placed in a position where they must work twice as hard to gain respect--something that we yearn for after being oppressed for so long. Indeed, some things have changed and it seems as though women have been liberated but this form of discrimination still lingers. As a result, women are still fighting.

Because of this, women have been misled into thinking that we must also fight our husbands/partners--we carry this fighting mentality into our relationships. Now, "I can do it on my own, who needs a man anyway" is what you find yourself saying ever so often. What about the times you would use Beyonce's irreplaceable to console yourself after an argument? What about when you refuse to let him put on your jacket or pull out your chair?

Furthermore, besides being rooted in our history as women, this struggle is dormant and awakened by certain stimuli. For me, when I feel unguarded and love comes around, that's where the symptoms of M.I.S step into the picture.

Maybe you have lived with your mom in a single parent home all your life, maybe you watched your mom continuously abused, maybe you just don't trust people.... but whatever it be, this may lead you to M.I.S symptoms, symptoms that will subtly cripple your relationship.

Remember ladies, men are human too (Although they don't act like it sometimes haha). The first step in fighting this syndrome is recognizing that we can make or break our relationships (it's not always their fault). Secondly, it's more than okay to be treated like a virtuous woman. Third, establish that in your relationship there's no hierarchy, but instead two people who complement each other walking along life's pathway hand in hand-- work together (your partner is not your competition).

Miss Independent Syndrome is on the rampage and we need to take some precautionary measures ladies. Yes, he's replaceable, yes you feel like you can do everything by yourself and yes we live in a corrupt imbalanced system but why let that ruin a romance that may lead to new beginnings and a love sealed companionship?

I know that all you want is some R.E.S.P.E.C.T, but allowing the symptoms of M.I.S to enter into your relationship will only do the reverse....YOU WILL BE DISRESPECTED! If you're not disrespected directly because your guy is a softie, it will come indirectly when he gets tired of you and moves on to someone who appreciates chivalry and you.... you'll end up lonely at 60 carrying on a conversation that sounds like this: " I never needed a man and I still don't need one...oh...and children...who would want such monsters?"

I think that our biological systems, our sex drive, even the bible is enough evidence that a man is made for a woman and vice versa. So ladies you are not meant to be alone forever (unless God has a special calling for you whereby a companion has no place in your life). Treat your partner with love and respect and allow him to show you the same sentiments.

Speak and accept the truth in love.....